


Waiting is the Hardest Part

by zarrati



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:46:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 41,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2380442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarrati/pseuds/zarrati
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leslie and Ben prepare for the birth of their baby, but not everything can go according to plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a continuation of my fic While You Were Sleeping. It deals with some of the harsher realities of childbirth, so it is definitely much more angsty and dark than its predecessor. So, if medical related traumas bother you, please consider this your warning.

Ben Wyatt generally considers himself to be a patient man, one of the few virtues that his wife does not share. In her defense, however, Ben isn’t carrying around 40 extra pounds of “baby”, so her impatience in this particular situation is certainly understandable. Leslie was already a week past her due date, and if their daughter didn’t come out soon, the doctor would have to induce labor. 

Ben enters their living room on that Sunday morning, a mug in each hand, and makes his way over to their couch where Leslie is seated, a work binder perched open on her large belly and various files scattered across the coffee table. Leslie looks up from her paperwork at the sound of Ben’s shuffling feet and smiles as he hands her a mug of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream.

“Did you put mini marshmallows in it?” she asks before taking her first sip.

“Of course I did. I’m not a monster,” Ben replies offended as he takes his seat next to her.

In a show of support, Ben decided to give up caffeine when Leslie discovered that she was pregnant, the couple foregoing their usual morning coffee in favor of other hot beverages. While Leslie’s drinks of choice are obviously sweet and smothered in whipped cream, Ben usually opts for a cup of herbal tea, which he now sips contentedly.

“You know, when you take a maternity leave, it’s usually so you don’t have to do any work,” Ben remarks as he eyes the binder and paperwork surrounding his pregnant wife.

“That’s just silly,” she replies with a wave of her hand. “If anything, a maternity leave is so you don’t have to physically go into work in order to do your work. Besides, I read that doing paperwork can help induce labor.”

“Uhm, I don’t think that’s true,” Ben says with a tilt of his head.

“Okay, so those statistics have yet to be confirmed, but I am trying to get as much work done as possible before the baby comes. Ann said that despite the fact that I sleep half as long as the average human, I won’t have any spare time or energy for several weeks after the baby is born.” Catching her breath, Leslie continues. “Weeks, Ben, weeks of practically no work. That is the longest that I have ever gone without working. There are so many things that I need to do, and now I won’t have time to do them!” Leslie’s voice steadily rises and gets more panicked with each word.

Ben closes the binder, now balancing precariously on Leslie’s abdomen, sets it aside along with his mug, and gently places his hands on both of her arms.

“Babe, calm down and take a deep breath.” She complies, and Ben nods his head approvingly. “Okay, now we already talked about this. You are all caught up with work, and everyone at the office is already following the color coded schedule that you made for them when you left. Everything is taken care of."

“I know, I know. I just need something to distract me. God, I hope this doesn't make me a terrible mother, but I want this kid out of me already. I'm tired of being pregnant. My back hurts, I’m retaining water like crazy so everything is swollen, I have been getting these random headaches, and I haven’t felt so much as a Braxton-Hicks contraction. I can't stand it anymore."

At this point in her tirade, Ben lifts Leslie’s feet onto his lap and starts gently massaging them.

"We have tried everything to induce labor: long walks, spicy food, all types of sex, and nothing is working..... Oh God, that feels good." Leslie rolls her head back against the couch as Ben’s fingers knead her aching muscles.

"I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through-"

“Damn right you can't."

“But she is almost ready to come out, and if it’s not of her own will, in a few days, you'll be induced.”

“I hope it doesn't come to that.”

“I know. Me neither.”

“Well, she didn't get her sense of timing from me. I'm early for everything. I was even born five days before my due date.”

“Can't say that I blame her. I bet she's all warm and cozy in there. If she takes after me, she doesn't want to leave. I know being inside of you is one of  _my_  favorite places to be," he remarks with a cheeky grin.

Leslie groans at his lame attempt at dirty humor and does her best to reach over her stomach and smack her hand against his arm.

“Ben!” she admonishes with a suppressed laugh. “Well, she takes after you, that's for sure, but we already established this after my midnight calzone cravings. Your daughter made me eat calzones, Ben! I hope you're happy.”

“You have no idea,” he replies with a soft chuckle as he gently removes her feet from his lap. He leans over to kiss her before placing a soft kiss on her belly and lightly resting his cheek on the spot that his lips just vacated.

After Ben’s emotional roller coaster a few weeks prior, he once again felt more comfortable with the reality of fatherhood. Of course, he had a few minor moments of panic, but then again, that's in his nature.

And Leslie, being the woman that she was, could sense when he was about to lose it and subtly calming him down, either by a soft touch or a few reassuring words. Ben often thinks back to the surprisingly wise words of Jerry Gergich that motivated Chris to contemplate fatherhood. It is about the small victories, and Ben knows that there are countless victories, both large and small, that he can look forward to. He feels ready, more ready than he had ever felt before. Now all that they are waiting for was for their daughter to finally make her grand entrance into the world.

As Ben rests his face against Leslie’s swollen abdomen, he softly begins to speak to his unborn child.

"Come on, little one,” he says to Leslie’s stomach as his thumbs make small circles on either side of it. "You're making your mama uncomfortable, so it's time to speed things up.  Besides, your mommy and daddy can’t wait any longer to see your beautiful face. ”

Leslie runs her hand through his hair and tries to suppress the tears that threaten to overtake her.  She always gets emotional when she sees Ben interacting with their baby, his eyes radiating pure love as he stares at her stomach. She knows that he still has his moments of intense panic at the thought of becoming a father, but she knows that as long as Ben has that look in his eyes, their child will have the greatest dad in the world.

“Love you,” she hears him whisper before placing a chaste kiss over her bellybutton. He looks up at her and notices the tears in her eyes. His face falls, and he goes to wipe his thumb across her cheeks, concern etched on his face.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you in pain? Do you need me to get you something?” he asks, his body posed to jump off of the couch at her command.

She quickly shakes her head back and forth trying to calm herself, but failing miserably. “No, no I’m fine. It’s these damn hormones again. I just saw you there, talking to our baby, and something just came over me.” She reaches out to cup his cheek and run her thumb over his weekend stubble. “You are going to be such a great dad. You already are.”

By this point, Ben is trying to suppress his own tears at her words. He scoops her up as best as he can and repositions them so that she is leaning back against his chest, his arms wrapped around her with his hands settling on her bump.

“Comfy?”  
  
Leslie shakes her head, leaning into him and letting out a contented sigh.

The pair sit quietly for several minutes, content to just be in each other’s presence. Eventually, Leslie breaks the silence; her voice is barely above a whisper.

“I remember when I was little, my dad and I used to sit like this all of the time.”

“Leslie, you don’t have to-”

“No, it’s okay. I want to.”

The subject of Leslie’s father was one that rarely came up, Leslie still deeply hurt by his passing. She talked to Ben about major events in her past involving her dad, like birthdays, his role in her pursuing politics, and of course, how his death impacted her. But this time was different. She had never just opened up about him before, especially not about something as menial as this.

“We had a routine. Every day when he came home from work, he would set his briefcase down by the door and hang up his jacket. I would run into the living room as soon as I heard the door close and just wait. He would make his way into the house and drop a kiss on my head as he moved to sit on his usual corner of the sofa. As soon as he was settled, he would pat the space next to him, and I would run over and cuddle into his side. He would then put his arm around me and ask about my day. I told him everything: about how I got the highest grade in the class for my report on Eleanor Roosevelt, how Timothy Reynolds was a stupid-head for thinking that eggs were a better breakfast food than waffles, about the pictures I drew in art class…”

Leslie pauses for moment and wipes away the tears that cascade down her face.

“And he was always so genuinely interested in everything that I had to say to him. My mom, even then, was very stern and not one for small talk, but not my dad. He would listen to my insignificant ramblings as though what I was saying was the most important news in the world. We would talk until dinner time every single day.” At this point, Leslie inhales deeply, steeling herself.

“The day before he, uh, died, we were sitting just like we usually did, and I told him that I got nominated to run for class treasurer. I desperately wanted the position, but I had never run for anything before and I was terrified, not sure if I could do it. I remember he took my face in his hands and looked straight into my eyes. He said ‘Leslie Knope, you have the power within you to do anything that you set your mind to. Never let anyone, not even yourself, convince you otherwise. So you win that election and be the greatest treasurer that fourth grade class has ever seen.’ That was the last time that we sat on that couch together.”

Ben sits stunned, his hands running up and down Leslie’s arms in a soothing motion. He can hear Leslie sniffling, but her face is hidden from him. Ben places a soft kiss on her hair and eventually speaks.

“Why did you tell me that story? Not that I didn’t appreciate it, but you don’t normally talk about your father like that.”

Leslie shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. It just felt right, us being here like this, about to become parents. I felt like I needed to share that. You remind me a lot of him, you know. Not in a creepy, daddy complex way, but you have several similarities. You’re both so caring and loving, fairly easygoing and a little nerdy,” she chuckles to herself at this point. “But most importantly, you are both so supportive. You have been instrumental in my journey to pursue my dreams, and I can never thank you enough for that.”

Ben wants to respond, but something tells him that she is not quite finished yet and to just give her time.

“I guess I wanted you hear a good father story since I know that you didn’t have too many of them growing up. Those few years that I had with my dad were some of the best of my life, and he helped me become the woman that I am today. I just know that our baby will feel the same way about you, and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.”

Ben tightens his arms around his wife, holding her as close to him as he possibly can while he buries his face into her hair. “Leslie, you are the most perfect woman on the face of this earth. Thank you for sharing that memory with me. Your father sounds like an incredible man, who raised an incredible daughter that will become an incredible mother. I wish I could have met him; I have a lot to thank him for.”

“I wish you could have met him, too. He would have loved you, and if he were still around, we would have avoided that whole ‘my mom hitting on you’ thing,” she says with a giggle that Ben echoes.

“Well I think that between the two of us, this kid has some kick-ass parents.”

“That she does. Can’t go wrong with team Knope/Wyatt 2014.”

Ben lets out a quick laugh. “That is true. Although, did you really have to make those t-shirts with the Knope/Wyatt 2014 logo on them?”

“What else were you planning on wearing in the delivery room with me?”

Ben, having learned early on when to pick his battles, keeps his remarks to himself. “Can’t think of anything else I’d rather be wearing. Team Knope/Wyatt all the way, baby.”

“Are you sure you are going to be okay being in the delivery room with me? I know you aren’t the most comfortable when it comes to, you know, blood and stuff.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Ben, you almost passed out twice when we watched the video of a live birth in our Lamaze class.”

“Okay, so I might have been a little uncomfortable, but I want to be in there with you and support you. To quote our dear friend April, ‘Leslie will be in there pushing an eight pound human being through her vagina. The least you can do is pretend to be a grown man and hold her hand.’ So yes, I am 100% certain that I want to be there when our baby is born.”

“Good because I really can’t imagine going through that without you. I want someone to hold my hand and to blame for putting me through so much misery,” she jokes, looking up at Ben with a smirk on her face.

“Well, then I’m your guy,” he smiles down at her lovingly and places a soft kiss against her lips. He soon frowns with concern however, when Leslie winces and starts rubbing her temples.

“Another headache?”

“Yeah. I don’t know where these are coming from all of a sudden. I felt fine a few days ago.”

“Well, you have another check up in a few days, so we can let your doctor know. But if they get too bad, we can have you checked sooner.”

“I should be fine. It’s probably all of this stress,” Leslie sighs and rolls her sore shoulders.

Ben slowly slips himself out from next to her and pushes himself off of the couch, extending his hand out to Leslie. “Come on, I’ll run you a warm bath to help relax some of your tight muscles and maybe help with that headache.”

“God, you are the best,” she responds gratefully, allowing her husband to help lift her off of the sofa.

“Don’t I know it,” he responds, leading her up the stairs towards the direction of their bathtub.  
  
~*~*~*~

  
By Monday morning, Leslie’s headaches are still occurring and her lower back is starting to ache.

“I will be so glad when this is over,” she says to herself as she makes her way to see Ben off to work.

"You know, I don't have to go into work today if you want me to stay home. That's one of the perks of being president," he smirks, but his eyes clearly portray that he is worried about leaving her.

"Ben, I'll be fine. You're already planning on taking a lot of time off once the baby comes, so there is no point in you missing more work than you have to."

"But what if you go into labor and I’m not here?”

"The doctor said, in most cases, early labor can last for hours before the contractions are close enough together for me to need a hospital. Besides, Andy is still spending extra time at the foundation to help you out. You can’t just abandon him sooner than you have to. Plus, Ann is coming over in a little while, and she promised to spend the day with me. I have my own personal, beautiful at home nurse. Now, will you stop worrying, and go to work," she says in an assertive voice that Ben finds impossible to argue with.

Ben looks uncertain, torn between his desire to stay and the logic behind his wife's words. Finally his shoulders sag in resignation. "Okay, I'll go, but you or Ann call me if anything happens, okay? I will drop whatever I am doing, and I can be here in 10 minutes."

"I promise. Now go, you're already running late."

"I'm going. Please take care of yourself, and ask Ann about those headaches," he pleads, his eyes full of love and worry. He leans in and gives his wife a soft, but passionate kiss. "I love you."

"Love you, too," she replies as she smiles up at him.

He quickly kneels down to press a gentle kiss on Leslie's abdomen and whispers something to his daughter, his voice so low that even Leslie can't hear. He hoists himself up and presses another quick kiss on his wife's lips before making his way towards the door.

"Bye, Les. Say hi to Ann for me. And please-"

" 'Call me if anything happens.' I know Ben, I will. Love you.”

“Love you too," he says as he closes the door behind him.  
  
A few moments after Ben leaves, Leslie feels the ache returning to her temples and decides to rest her eyes until Ann arrives.   
  
  
~*~*~*~

  
Later that morning, Ann and Leslie are seated on the sofa, Ann pretending to be interested in the Harry Potter Marathon that Leslie insists on watching.

 

“Thank you so much for coming over to spend the day with me,” Leslie tells her friend.

“Are you kidding? It's my pleasure.  Chris has the baby today, so I think I'd go crazy at home by myself.”

“How's he doing?”

“Which one, Chris or the baby?” Ann replies with a chuckle.

“Both, I guess,” Leslie says with a laugh of her own.

“Well, Oliver is doing great. He just had a check-up last week, everything looks normal, and he is extremely healthy. Gotta love those Treager genes. Chris is doing amazing. He really is a great Dad, attentive and loving, and he is more than willing to do his fair share of diaper changing. I mean, our relationship never worked out, but he’s a wonderful father, and we definitely have become closer friends. I’m really happy.”

The genuine smile on Ann’s face is more than enough to convince Leslie that her best friend’s words are sincere, causing Leslie’s eyes to fill with tears.

“I’m so happy for you, Ann. You finally have the family you wanted, and pretty soon we can have baby play dates! Oh my goodness, Ann, our babies are going to grow up together and become best friends and then fall in love and then get married and then we will be in laws and-”

“Whoa, slow down there, Leslie,” Ann interrupts before Leslie can continue. “Maybe we should at least wait until they are potty trained before you start planning their lives together,” she says with more than a hint of sarcasm.

“You’re right. Maybe we should wait until they are in elementary school, that way they have a better understanding of relationships.”

Ann shakes her head, Leslie clearly missing the intent of her statement.

“Right. So, how about you? How have you been feeling?”

“Overall okay, I guess.  I mean my feet are swollen, my lower back has been aching like crazy, and I have been getting these headaches recently.”

Ann narrows her eyes and tilts her head in concern, going into “Nurse Mode” as Leslie calls it.

“Headaches? When was your last doctor’s visit? Did she check your blood pressure?”

“Yup, saw her last Wednesday and my blood pressure was completely normal.”

Ann nods her head, her eyes still narrow and contemplative. “Okay, that’s good. You want to keep a close eye on that, and see your doctor if your headaches get worse. It can be a sign of high blood pressure, which can be dangerous at this stage.”

“Okay, Nurse Ann. You are starting to sound like Ben,” Leslie teases.

“Oh, am I?” Ann manages to say before she is interrupted by her cell phone ringing. Checking her caller ID, she raises her eyebrows as the display reads  _Ben Wyatt_.

“Speak of the devil,” Ann says with a smirk as she waves her phone in front of Leslie’s eyes before answering it.

“Hey, Ben, what’s -” Ann starts to say before Ben cuts her off.

“Is Leslie with you? I tried calling her cell like a million times but she isn’t answering, and she always answers so now I’m really worried, and I was about to go home before I realized that you were supposed to spend the day with her so I called you to see if you were with her and that she’s alright and not going into labor somewhere alone and-”

“BEN!” Ann interrupts him sharply. “Calm down and take a deep breath before you have a panic attack or something, okay. Leslie is right here, and she is fine.”

“Why didn’t she answer her phone?”

“I don’t know. Let me ask her.”

Up until this point, Leslie has been staring at her friend, confused as to why her husband is calling her in what appears to be a state of panic.

“Les, do you have your phone on you? Ben says he has been calling you for a while, but you haven’t answered.”

“What is he talking about? My phone is right here. Uh oh,” she says as she picks up her phone to see 27 missed call notifications. “Damn it, my phone was on silent. Apologize to him for me?”

“Ben, she says she’s sorry. Her phone was on silent so she didn’t hear your call.”

“Oh, thank God,” Ann hears him say as he releases a sigh of relief. “Okay, uhm ,thanks. I’m, uh, glad everything’s under control. Can you please request that she keep her ringtone volume up so we can prevent any future breakdowns on my part?”

“I think it’s going to take a lot more than that to prevent any breakdowns from you, buddy, but I will let her know.”

“Thanks. Sorry to have bothered you, and uh, let me know if anything comes up.”

“No problem. Did you want to talk to Leslie?”

“No, no, no. That’s okay. I just wanted to check in and see how everything was, and everything is good, Leslie’s good and you’re good, so I’m good. It’s all good. Okay, well, uhm, I guess that’s it for now. So, uh, good bye Ann, and say good bye to Leslie for me. Uhm, good bye.”

And with that, Ben’s line cuts off, and Ann shakes her head, chuckling while setting her phone aside.

“What was that all about?” Leslie questions, still concerned.

“Your husband is quite the worry wart. He couldn’t reach you so he thought you were off somewhere going into labor. I might have found it endearing if I didn’t think he was about to have a full blown panic attack over the phone. How is he doing, anyway, post ‘daddy melt down’?”

“He's doing a lot better. We talked everything out and I told him a lot of the same things that you told me. He revealed a lot of his insecurities, so we were able to address them and move past them. I mean he's going to be a great dad; he just went all human disaster there for a bit.”

“Yeah, that's understandable. I mean Chris was a wreck, but then again, he's Chris so...”

“Yeah, good point,” Leslie's responds with a laugh. “I just think he was scared he would turn into his father or something, but he's been so great, Ann. He talks to her all of the time, and his face lights up whenever he feels her kick. He's so wonderful.”

“I'm so happy for you guys. You both are going to be such amazing parents. Right now is the waiting, which is the hardest part. Well, the hours of intense labor is the hardest part, followed closely by the no sleeping for the first few months thing, but the waiting is still up there on the list.”

Leslie sits quietly, her friend’s words reminding her of the trials ahead, but she soon turns her attention back to the screen just in time to see Harry’s name get pulled from the Goblet of Fire, not really paying much attention to the fact that her vision was getting a little blurry.  
  
~*~*~*~*~

Across town, Ben is hanging up his phone and running his hands up and down his face, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. Andy, who had witnessed Ben’s mini meltdown, watches Ben’s movements cautiously.

 

“Everything okay, Boss?”

The voice startles Ben, and he jerks his hands away from his face so quickly that he ends up scratching himself with his nail.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, everything is fine. Leslie’s fine, she just couldn’t hear her phone because it was on silent, which would make it impossible for her to hear it because it isn’t making any noise,” Ben rambles on as Andy continues to look at him with a slightly confused face.

“Okay, well that’s cool. Good thing that Leslie isn’t having the baby on the kitchen floor like you thought.” Andy laughs at his statement. “That would be like, the weirdest place ever to have a kid, except for maybe a Wal-Mart, or an amusement park! How cool would that be to have a baby at an amusement park?”

Ben doesn’t answer, but continues to stare at his desk while holding a pencil tightly between his hands, his posture rigid.

“Hey, are you alright?” Andy asks.

Ben looks up at him as though he forgot he was in the room, but soon tries to maintain an aura of composure. He fails miserably.

“Yeah, I’m totally fine, man. Why would you think I wasn’t fine? I’m cool. Like, the epitome of cool.”

“Oh, okay. I was just wondering because you look really pale, and you’re back is all straight and weird. Plus, you are squeezing that pencil, like, super hard.”

Ben drops the pencil as though it were burning him, and lays his palms flat against his desk.

“I guess I might be a little worried about Leslie and the baby. She’s already a week past her due date, so she can go into labor at any minute.”

“That’s crazy, man. But there’s no need to worry because Ann said everything was fine, right? And she’s a nurse, so she knows all about that kind of stuff.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m just a naturally nervous person, I guess. No matter what I tell myself, I just get worried about it.”

“That’s totally normal, I bet. So, how excited are you about being a dad? It’s gonna be super awesome once little Baby Knope gets here.”

For the first time all morning, a genuine smile makes its way onto Ben’s face. “Yeah, it will be super awesome, won’t it?” He lets out a sigh before leaning forward slightly on his desk. “I’m going to be honest with you, Andy. I am both ridiculously excited and nervous at the same time. I mean, not nearly as nervous as I was, but still really nervous.”

“Well, of course you’re going to be nervous, Ben. I mean, having a kid is like one of the biggest responsibilities out there. You have a little baby looking up to you for everything, and they are a lot of work. Apparently even more work than a dog, and Champion can be a handful sometimes.”

“Have you and April thought about having kids?” Ben asks, intrigued by Andy’s insight into parenthood.

Andy shrugs his shoulders noncommittally. “Well, kinda. Not recently or anything, and I don’t know if it will be anytime soon. I mean, we are both pretty young and have time, but I kind of want to have kids if April does.”

“Doesn’t that thought scare you a little, becoming a father?”

Andy ponders Ben’s question for a while, tilting his head as he thinks. “Well, yeah, I guess so. Like I said, a baby is going to rely on you for like the next twenty years or something, but isn’t it also one of the greatest things ever? You have someone to love and play with, and teach how to play video games and make mac n’ cheese with. Plus, I have April, who will be, like, the best mom ever. So, yeah it’s scary, but also super, super awesome.”

Ben smiles at his friend, his eyes proud at the wise words coming from the young man before him. It is obvious to see how much Andy has grown in the few years that Ben has known him.

“Thanks Andy, I needed that. If you ever do have any kids, you are going to make one hell of a dad.”

Andy smiles wide at Ben’s praise and lifts his hand up for a high-five. “You too, boss, you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the drama. This chapter isn't terribly graphic, but it does deal with some of the very real and dangerous complications that can arise in pregnancy. I tried to be as medically accurate as possible, but any inaccuracies are my own, so please forgive me.

Leslie and Ann decide to take a break from their movie marathon, wanting to stretch their legs and get something to eat. As Leslie stands, she feels a sharp pain in her abdomen that takes her breath away.

Ann rushes to her friend's side, her eyes filled with concern. “Leslie, are you alright?"

“Yeah, I think I just felt a contraction.”

“Really? Okay, that’s good then, right?”

“Oh, yes. I have been waiting for this for a while.”

“You won’t be saying that for long, trust me,” Ann says with a small laugh. “You probably won’t need to go to the hospital for a while, but we should start timing them when they get close together. Are you good to stand and walk around?”

Leslie takes a deep breath and nods her head. “Yeah, I think so.”

She makes her way to the kitchen with Ann, and the pair start preparing their lunch. Only a few minutes go by before Leslie clutches her stomach as another wave of pain slams into her, exacerbating her now pounding headache.

“Okay, that was another contraction, right?" Ann asks.

Leslie doesn’t speak but she just shakes her head rapidly while clenching her teeth.

“Okay. Are you sure you haven’t been experiencing any other contractions before these?”

“I didn’t feel anything before. Why?" she asks, trying to catch her breath.

Ann tries to not look worried, but she feels that something may be off. “Just checking. Your contractions seem really close together for having just started.”

Leslie can't help but feel panicked by Ann's tone. “Is that bad?”

“Not necessarily. Labor is different for every woman. Many women are in early labor for hours and don’t even realize it, but I’m going to call Ben, if that’s okay, and have him come back just in case. I want to keep an eye on you.”

Leslie barely manages to nod her approval before another wave of sharp pain hits her.

“Let’s get you to the couch to rest, okay. Then I’ll call Ben.”

“Okay, tell him to hurry.”

“I don’t think I need to tell him that. I know he will break every speeding law in Pawnee to get over here.”

Leslie attempts to laugh, but the pounding in her head is preventing her from doing much of anything.

After Ann helps Leslie to the sofa, she pulls out her phone and dials Ben. He answers on the first ring.

“Ann, is everything alright?” Ben says in lieu of a greeting.

“Yeah, she is just experiencing some pretty strong contractions that are closer together than I would have expected. It isn’t necessarily a big deal, especially if she wasn’t able to feel her early labor pains, but just to be safe, I am going to time them and keep a close watch on her. I think it would be good for you to come back here if you can.”

Ben responds with a quick “I will be right there" before the line cuts off.

Ann makes her way over to Leslie and sits next to her on the couch.

“Ben’s on his way over now. Are you alright? Do you need anything?”

“Some water would be great. I’m so thirsty.”

“No problem. Be right back.”

Ann brings Leslie a large glass of water, and she drinks it quickly. Two more glasses and a contraction later, Ben bursts through the front door, his tie askew and his hair standing on end from running his hands through it. He never looked so nervous.

“Are you alright? What’s going on?”

“Calm down, Ben. Leslie is just experiencing some pretty strong contractions.”

“Hi, honey,” Leslie says with as much energy as she can muster, her fake smile faltering.

Ben rushes to her side and places a kiss on her forehead, noting how sweaty she feels. “How long have they been happening?”

“Not long as far as contractions go. About twenty minutes or so. Do you have Leslie’s bags and everything packed in case you need to go to the hospital soon?”

Ben barely registers that Ann is speaking to him, eventually looking to her briefly before focusing his attention back to his wife.

“Uh, yeah. They are right inside the closet by the front door. Leslie has had them packed for weeks.”

Leslie lets out a small yell as the next contraction hits her. Ben is petrified by his wife’s pain, but he manages to grab her hand. Once the latest wave passes, Leslie announces that she needs to use the bathroom.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Ben immediately asks, not wanting to leave her side.

“No, no, please, it’s okay. I can go alone.”

She slowly makes her way to the downstairs bathroom and shuts the door.

Noticing Ben’s look of worry, Ann decides to ease some his suffering.

“Loose bowel movements are a sign of labor. That’s probably why she didn’t want you to go with her.”

Ben’s face turns a bit red at this revelation, and he shuffles his feet, clearly uncomfortable. “Oh, uh, okay. Makes sense.”

As the pair wait for Leslie to emerge, they hear her strangled voice, laced with terror.

“Ben! Ann! I need you to come here, please. Something’s wrong!”

They immediately run into the bathroom and are horrified to find Leslie supporting herself against the sink, her light colored lounge pants covered in blood. Ben rushes to her side to support her, his heart beating faster than it has ever beaten, his hands shaking with fear.

“I don’t know what happened. I felt a gush of liquid and I thought my water was breaking, but there is so much blood, Ben. Something’s wrong. There shouldn’t be this much blood. Ann, why is there so much blood? It keeps coming. How do I make it stop?” Leslie is becoming hysterical, her voice rising with each sentence in panic.

Ann rushes to her side and begins to try to calm her down by stroking her face.

“Honey, you need to calm down so we don’t make it worse, okay. I’m going to take these towels and try to soak up some of the blood. Ben, I need you to call 911 right away, and have them send an ambulance.” Ben is still for a fraction of a second, frozen with terror.

“Damn it, Ben, call Leslie an ambulance, now!”

The forcefulness of Ann’s voice spurs him into action and he runs out to grab his cell and dial 911.

As more blood is seeping into Leslie’s pants, she is hit with another wave of pain, only this time the contraction doesn’t go away like the others did. It lasts much longer and once it starts to die down, another contraction hits just as hard.

Leslie doubles over in pain as she feels Ann try to support her weight.

“Ann, something’s wrong. Something is really wrong. I am so scared.” Leslie starts to sob. “Please, Ann, please don’t let me lose my baby.”

Ann feels her own tears magnify at her best friend’s words. “You are going to be fine, okay. The ambulance will be here any minute, and you and the baby will be fine.”

Ben soon comes running back into room. “The ambulance should be here any minute. I called the office and Ron said that he is leaving for the hospital now and will meet us there.” He goes over to Leslie and helps Ann support her. As he puts his hand around Leslie’s bottom, he feels the blood coat his hand. “Oh my God, there is so much blood. What's happening? What’s going on?” He is no longer attempting to keep the panic out of his voice, his only concern for his wife and unborn child.

“I’m not sure. It could be a couple of things, but she is losing a lot of blood very fast. Let’s see if we can help her walk towards the door so we can be ready for the ambulance. Can you do that, Leslie? Leslie?!” Ann yells her name several more times, getting no response. Leslie’s face is deathly pale, and it is clear that she is losing consciousness due to blood loss, her breathing becoming shallow.

“She’s going into shock,” Ann says, going into full nurse mode, trying to not let her emotions cloud her judgment.

“Shock? What does that mean?! Ann, please, what’s going on?” Ben is becoming frantic by this point, wanting answers as to why his wife is bleeding out on his bathroom floor.

“It means she’s losing a lot of blood, and she needs to get to the hospital. I can’t lift her, so you are going to have to carry her out. Can you do that?”

Ben nods his head numbly and slips one arm beneath her knees while the other supports her upper back. They hear the ambulance approaching, and Ann runs to open the door as Ben carries Leslie outside to meet them.

The EMTs rush out of the ambulance and have Ben place Leslie on the gurney, immediately putting an oxygen mask over her face.

“What’s the situation?” one of the EMTs asks as the others load her onto the back of the ambulance rig.

Ann immediately takes charge, letting instinct take over as she explains Leslie’s condition. “She’s at 39 weeks and began experiencing severe vaginal bleeding and abnormally long and painful uterine contractions. She went into shock about 4 minutes ago.”

“Her BP is dropping. We need to get her to the hospital, now,” one of the EMTs shouts from the back of the rig.

“I’ll ride with you,” Ben says without hesitation.

“I’m sorry, but we don’t allow riders in the back,” the senior EMT tells him.

“Please, that’s my wife and baby in there. You have to,” Ben pleads.

The EMT looks torn, but eventually relents. “Only because this is Councilwoman Knope.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Ben, I’ll grab her bags and meet you at the hospital,” Ann yells towards Ben as he makes his way onto the back of the rig. He doesn’t acknowledge that he hears her, and the back doors are quickly shut as the ambulance makes its way towards the hospital.

Ann quickly runs into the house and grabs Leslie’s bags, throwing them into her backseat. Ann sits herself in the driver’s seat and starts the engine. She grips her hands tightly on the steering wheel, her knuckles beginning to turn white. As she thinks about her best friend, the woman who has become her sister, bleeding out in the back of an ambulance, Ann finally allows herself to cry.

 

~*~*~*~

 

 

The ambulance speeds its way through downtown Pawnee, arriving at the hospital in record time. Leslie is rushed into the emergency room, Ben not far behind. As he runs in, he immediately sees the entire Parks department stand and make their way over, desperate to hear any news.

“Ann will be here any minute to explain what she can, but I have to go,” he says before any of them are able to open their mouths.

Ben catches up to Leslie’s gurney and grasps her hand tightly. She is drifting in and out of consciousness, so he continues to talk to her, telling her how much he loves her and that everything will be okay. They eventually make it to a set of double doors leading to the ward and are met by a team of doctors and nurses.

They begin to throw around words like “abruption”, “hemorrhage”, and “transfusion”, and Ben begins to feel the dread in him rise to a new level.

“Are you the father?” one of the doctors asks him.

“Yes, I’m her husband,” he stammers.

“Alright, we are going to need you to stay out here and fill out some paperwork while we take her in.”

“No, I’m going in with her. I can’t leave her.”

“I’m sorry, but we can’t allow that. We will most likely have to perform an emergency C-section. Your wife has already lost a lot of blood and may require some transfusions. Since we do not yet know the severity of her condition, we can’t begin to speculate on the stress the fetus has been put under or if there is a sufficient oxygen supply.”

While this altercation is occurring, both Ann and Ron make their way up the hallway to join them.

“No, you can’t do that. I have to go in with her. You don’t understand, I told her I would be there when the baby is born.”

“I understand, but we simply cannot allow that.”

As the doctor speaks, they begin to wheel Leslie away.

Ben attempts to push past the doctor and follow his wife down the hallway, but he is restrained by two large orderlies.

“You can’t do this,” he screams as he struggles against them. “Leslie! Leslie!” he calls down the hallway.

Ben becomes more aggressive, and Ron attempts to restrain him from behind. Feeling someone behind him, Ben turns his body and swings his fist at the intruder, desperate to go after his wife. Thankfully, Ron’s reflexes are much faster than Ben’s, and he is able to dodge the attack and restrain Ben, forcing him against the wall.

Ben struggles again him, pushing and swearing, demanding that he be released.

Ron shakes him roughly against the wall. “Son, I understand that you are beside yourself, but screaming like a maniac and throwing punches is not going to help Leslie or your daughter. All you can do right now is calm down and wait.”

Ben looks at Ron defiantly, but eventually gives in, unable to compete with Ron’s stare.

“Now, if I let you go, do you promise to stop behaving like a Neanderthal?”

Ben shakes his head, not trusting himself to speak just yet; tears of anger and grief are pooling in his eyes.

Ron slowly releases his hold, and Ben remains still for several seconds, his fists clenched at his side and his breathing heavy. Suddenly, Ben lets out a growl and turns to slam his fist full force against the cement wall behind him; his knuckles immediately tear and start to bleed. Ann starts to go to him, but Ron stops her, understanding the younger man's need to express his emotion in this way.

“Why don’t you go in and see what you can find out about Leslie,” Ron tells her softly, and she immediately turns to follow her colleagues down the corridor.

Ben now has his forehead pressed firmly against the wall, his body shaking as he pounds his fists against the cement.

Ron slowly makes his way to the young man and lays a hand on his shoulder.

“I can’t lose them, Ron,” Ben whispers as he feels Ron’s touch. “They are all that I have; I can’t lose them.”

“I know, son, I know.”

The pair remain in that position for several minutes, neither man trusting himself to speak or move. Soon, the double doors behind them open as Ann makes her way back to them, her face worried and eyes wet with unshed tears.

“How are they? Is Leslie okay? What’s going on?” Ben fires his questions in rapid succession as he rushes over to her.

Ann takes a deep breath, attempting to maintain her composure. “They believe that she had a placental abruption that caused massive blood loss-”

Ben cuts her off. “Placental abruption? What is that?”

“It’s when the placenta gets torn away from the wall of the uterus. Leslie’s case is pretty severe and there is the possibility that some of the blood pooled behind the placenta, so she might have lost more blood than we originally thought.”

“But they can fix that, right? I mean, they must be able to do some kind of surgery to help stop the bleeding.”

“There isn’t. The only thing that they can do now is give her a blood transfusion to make up for the blood that she has lost, and she might need an emergency C-section.”

“An emergency C-section? Why?” Ben’s eyes become even wider with horror. “Oh my God, is something wrong with the baby? What’s wrong with my daughter, Ann?”

Ann can no longer fight back her tears, and they run down her face. “We don’t know yet. The placenta is what is providing the baby with air and nutrients. We aren’t sure how long the baby could have been without oxygen.”

“What are her chances?” Ben questions, his entire body shaking.

Ann lowers her head in an attempt to hide the new influx of tears, unwilling to answer.

“Ann, what are her chances?” Ben repeats more forcefully, although his voice is starting to break.

Still unable to meet his eyes, Ann responds in a strained voice barely above a whisper. “In cases of an abruption of this magnitude, roughly sixty percent of fetuses don’t make it. Out of the ones that do, nearly half of them have lifelong problems due to oxygen deprivation.”

The news knocks the wind out of Ben as though he was hit in the chest by a Mack Truck. He becomes light headed and bends over, grasping his knees with his hands.

“I need to go in there with her. Please tell me that I can?” he implores, reaching out to place his hands on Ann’s shoulders.

“I’m so sorry, but you can’t. They need to work as fast as they can in order to minimize any future complications.”

Ben slowly shakes his head, his face expressionless for several seconds. Suddenly, as though touching Ann is burning him, he removes his hands, for the first time noticing that they are drenched in his wife's blood. He stares at his hands as he walks slowly backwards to press his back firmly against the wall behind him. Almost instantaneously, the dam inside of him breaks, and he slides himself down the length of the wall, collapsing onto the floor and burying his face in his bloody hands. The sobs coming from him are those of a man who fears that he is about to lose the only things that he has ever held dear.

Ron Swanson never cried and never got scared, but in that moment, he was afraid. He was afraid for the life of the woman who had grown to mean so much to him and afraid for the man sobbing in front of him as he felt his family being ripped away.

Ron Swanson never cried, but a tear made its way down his cheek nonetheless.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Ben sits in the waiting room of the hospital and stares blankly at the ground, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy. He is surrounded by his friends, although their presence does little to comfort him.

Marlene Griggs-Knope and Ann are sitting on either side of him; Ann sits clutching her son to her chest, and Marlene is more worried than she has ever been, silently praying to any deity that might be listening on behalf of her daughter and grandchild. Chris, having arrived several minutes prior, is seated next to Ann, his face buried in his hands. Across from Ben, April and Andy are seated close together, Andy’s eyes moist while April buries her face in her husband’s shoulder. Tom, Donna, and Jerry all sit next to each other on the far side of the room, unable to think or speak. Ron refuses to sit down; instead he stands against the wall closest to the waiting room door, his posture rigid.

Suddenly, Ben lets out a sigh of frustration as he runs his hands through his hair, standing up abruptly.

“What the fuck is taking so long? If it was such an emergency, they would have been done by now.” The other occupants in the room are startled by his sudden outburst.

“Ben, sit down,” Marlene urges, lightly pulling on his sleeve. Ben simply jerks his arm away from her and continues to pace.

“They are working as fast as they can. There are a lot of things that they need to do before they can even start operating,” Ann tells him. “They need to perform an ultrasound to see how severe the abruption is, and they need to monitor the baby’s vitals. Plus, they have to make sure that Leslie is stable enough to undergo the surgery safely.” Ann hopes her explanation will calm him down.

“And while they take their sweet, old time, my daughter is dying,” he retorts, his voice rising in anger.

“Ben, they are doing their damndest to make sure that doesn’t happen. I know these doctors. They are the best. All we can do is wait.” Ann’s words do not have the exact affect that she hopes, but he does manage to sit himself back down.

Ann remains quiet for a moment, eventually breaking her silence with a soft, guilty whisper.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it.”

Ben looks over at her sharply, confusion evident on his face. “What are you talking about? See what?”

“The signs!” Ann responds, her voice louder and angrier than it was before. “I mean, I am a fucking nurse for Christ’s sake. I should have known something was really wrong.”

“Ann, you aren’t making any sense,” Ben says to her, trying to get her to explain herself. By this point in the conversation, everyone in the room is listening intently, eager to find out what is going on.

“Her symptoms. They were all right there in front of me, and I missed them! A large majority of placental abruptions are caused by high blood pressure due to preeclampsia, you know, high blood pressure due to pregnancy.”

Ben shakes his head, confused. “But we were at the doctor’s office last week and they checked her blood pressure and protein levels and everything was fine.”

“That doesn’t matter. Pregnant women can develop preeclampsia within a matter of days, especially at her age. God, all of the signs were right there, the extra water retention, the headaches, and she kept rubbing her eyes as though she was having trouble focusing them. My gut told me something was off, but I didn’t know what it was, so I didn’t do anything. This is all my fault,” she sobs.

April is the first one to speak up. “It’s not your fault, you know.”

Everyone in the room turns quickly to look at her, all surprised by her uncharacteristic statement, but April continues to stare at her husband’s lap.

Ben clears his throat, trying to keep his emotions in check. “She’s right. Leslie’s symptoms came on so quickly, we all missed it. If anything, you being there helped her. You sensed something was wrong and called me over so we could keep a close watch on her. I don’t even want to begin to imagine what could have happened had you not been there.”

Ann smiles a watery smile that soon falls short. “She needs to make it out okay, Ben. I don’t know what I will do if she doesn’t.”

Ben wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close. “Neither do I, Ann.”

Not long after, the door to the waiting room opens and one of the doctors treating Leslie steps inside.

“Which one of you is Leslie Knope’s next of kin?”

Ben immediately stands and makes his way towards him. “I am. I’m her husband.”

“Can you please step outside so we can talk in private?”

“Can Ann come too?” Ben asks, not wanting to be alone just yet.

The doctor nods his head. “She may, but we need to make it clear that she is there in a professional capacity. Legally, I can only share this information with Councilwoman Knope’s next of kin.”

Ben nods his head and Ann gets up, passing the baby to Chris as she makes her way outside of the waiting room.

“We were able to determine the severity of the tear via ultrasound. She lost more blood than we originally thought; much of it remained pooled behind the placenta and thus did not leak out of her vagina. Our only course of action at this point is to perform an emergency Cesarean. The baby’s vitals are weak, but the good news is that she is still fighting. We suspect that she has had a limited oxygen supply for some time, but we won’t know what kind of affect that will have on her until after she is delivered. Your wife needed a blood transfusion, but we were just now able to stabilize her for surgery. The procedure shouldn’t last more than an hour unless we encounter complications.”

“What kinds of complications?” Ben manages to ask.

“In situations like this, there is always the risk of the placenta tearing further, causing more excessive bleeding. If this occurs, our only solution to stop the blood loss may be a hysterectomy.”

Ben nods his head numbly, his mouth dry and his face drained of blood.

“Do you have any questions for me?” the doctor asks.

“When can I see them?”

“Someone will come out to get you as soon as the procedure is done, and they are stable. We will keep you informed should anything arise.” And with that, the doctor turns his back and walks towards the operating rooms.

The two make their way back to the waiting room, the rest of the occupants eager for an update.

“What did he say? Are they alright?” Marlene asks first.

Ben simply walks trance-like to his chair and takes a seat, having no more tears left to cry. Instead, Ann answers on his behalf.

“She's lost a lot of blood, but she’s stable. The abruption affected the baby’s oxygen supply, so her vitals are weak. They need to do an emergency C-section right away before the risk of losing the baby increases.”

“But she will be okay once she’s born, right?” Andy asks while wringing his hands.

Ann sighs deeply. “There is no way to tell if there will be any long term damage from going that long without oxygen until she is delivered.”

The group nods their heads slowly, trying to absorb the information that they were just given.

“Thank you, Ann,” Ron says softly, much to everyone’s surprise. “Now all that we can do is wait.”

Ann sits herself back down and buries her face in her hands.

“I was wrong, Leslie,” she whispers to herself. “Waiting is the hardest part.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through Leslie's eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I backtracked just a bit to kind of see some of what happened in last chapter from Leslie’s perspective. There is also more medical drama/ surgery, so beware if the mention of blood makes you uncomfortable. And there is angst, but also fluff.

Fear, terror, horror, dread. All are such powerful words, yet none of them even comes close to describing what Leslie Knope is feeling as she stares at her bathroom floor stained with blood.

Leslie was so relieved to see Ben rush through the door of their home mere minutes after Ann had called to tell him that she had gone into labor. Her relief was short-lived, however, as another contraction slammed into her, Leslie grateful that her husband offered her his hand to squeeze. As the contraction began to wear off, she could feel liquid trickling out of her, her underwear slowly becoming wet against her skin. Assuming that her water was breaking, Leslie made her way to the bathroom alone, wanting to experience this moment in privacy and not ruin her couch with whatever stuff her “water” was made of.

Once she closed the door behind her, she felt another stabbing pain, causing her to grab the bathroom sink for support, followed by an even greater rush of liquid from between her thighs, completely soaking her pants and beginning to run down her legs. But now, instead of the clear amniotic fluid that she had been expecting, she sees her pants and floor coated in a layer of bright, red blood.

The next moments pass by in a blur. She barely remembers screaming for her husband and best friend, her only concern being the welfare of her child. She hears them speak to her, but their voices sound as though they are a million miles away. She can slowly feel her extremities go numb as she struggles to keep her eyes open, her body cold yet covered in a fine layer of sweat. She feels herself drifting in and out of consciousness, vaguely perceiving the outside world but unable to interact with it.

She is aware of Ben’s strong yet trembling arms surrounding her as he carries her out of the bathroom, and she can feel his hand in hers as they ride in the ambulance. His voice is her constant companion as they enter the hospital, so beautiful and soothing until it is drowned out by several new sounds, the cacophony overwhelming her.

These new voices are not soft and loving like her husband’s, but harsh and clinical, diagnosing and categorizing her, describing the fate of her and her child using only a few simple words. She feels Ben’s warm hand slip from hers as she is wheeled away, him screaming her name the last thing she hears before darkness completely overtakes her; her last thoughts being whether she would ever meet her child or see her husband again.

 

~*~*~*~

 

As the double doors leading from the Emergency Room close behind them, the team of doctors and nurses rush to treat the now unconscious Leslie Knope.

“The patient is in shock, and we are most likely dealing with a class III hemorrhage. Someone start a line of IV fluids, and I need 450 cc’s of O negative blood,” one of the doctors barks. “We have a suspected case of a placental abruption, so we are going to need an ultrasound to confirm and a fetal monitor to check its vitals.”

“Her BP is still dropping,” one of the nurses says to the group.

“Where the hell is my O negative blood!” the doctor shouts. “She can’t go into surgery until she’s more stable.”

Soon, a young nurse rushes up with a bag of blood and initiates the transfusion via the IV. As the emergency team continues to work on Leslie, they see their colleague, Ann Perkins, make her way towards them. One of the ER nurses, a good friend of Ann's, goes to meet her.

"Tracy, can you please give me an update on her condition?" Ann pleads, her voice shaky and eyes moist with tears.

Tracy has worked with Ann at the hospital for over six years, and in that time, she has known her to be nothing but calm and collected in the face of a crisis. Seeing Ann in such a state is unnerving to Tracy, although she knows how much Leslie Knope means to her. Even Tracy is trying to control herself, having gotten to know Leslie quite well over the years through the several times that she has come to the hospital to visit Ann. Leslie did more for this community than anyone else she has ever known, motivating Tracy to volunteer for her campaign a few years back. She’s even on the volunteer committee tasked with organizing the official opening of Pawnee Commons in two months.

Tracy didn't want to think about the very real possibility that neither Leslie nor her baby would be attending that ribbon cutting ceremony.

As Ann waits for an answer, Tracy feels a surge of emotions that she immediately suppresses. "It doesn't look good, Ann. We have her on an IV, and she is receiving blood, but she's losing fluids more rapidly than we can replenish them. Based on her condition, we assume that she suffered a placental abruption, but we won't know for sure the severity of it until we perform an ultrasound. If the abruption was partially hidden internally, she could have lost more blood than we anticipated."

By this point, Tracy's mask of professionalism begins to slip. "But it's bad, Ann. She's your friend, but I know you wouldn't want me to sugarcoat anything. I don’t think that I have ever seen a tear like this before. I'm optimistic that we can stabilize her before any of her organs start to fail, but I don't know if the baby is going to make it. There is no way of telling how long the fetus may have been deprived of oxygen. We’re waiting on a fetal monitor to tell us for sure, but either way, she will most likely need a crash Cesarean."

Ann nods her head in understanding, trying her hardest to maintain her composure in front of her colleagues.

"And even if the baby is born alive, there is no telling if she will survive or what kind of long term damage has been done," Ann says quietly, mostly to herself.

Tracy nods sympathetically, tears building up in her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. "We are going to do everything that we can to make sure they both make it out of here alive and well. I promise."

Ann looks up at her friend and places her hand on Tracy's arm. "I know you will. Thank you."

With that, Ann turns and makes her way back to the Emergency Room, trying to figure out how she can possibly break this news to Ben.

The ultrasound machine arrives soon after Ann leaves, and the results confirm their fear.

“Looks like we have a severe but not complete tearing of the placenta. There also appears to be signs of significant blood pooling as well. The fetus’ oxygen supply might be compromised, but we won’t know for sure until we examine the umbilical cord. Someone hook up the fetal monitor.”

Another nurse attaches the probes to Leslie’s abdomen, and they wait. Many members of the emergency team had never witnessed an abruption this severe, most not expecting to hear any heartbeat whatsoever. They are all surprised and relieved to hear the faint sound of the baby’s heart, although it is dangerously slow.

“Alright, we have a heartbeat, but the fetus is clearly distressed. We need to perform a crash Cesarean before we lose it. How are the patient’s vitals?”

“She appears to be stabilizing. Her blood pressure is low but slowly rising.”

"Who's the obstetrician on duty?"

"I think it's Dr. Medina," one of the nurses quickly replies.

"Good. Page her and an anesthesiologist down here immediately. We need to get the patient prepped for surgery. Someone go and talk to the family." One of the young doctors who had been assisting nods quickly and makes his way to the waiting room.

"Doctor, the patient is regaining consciousness."

Leslie is slowly becoming aware of her surroundings, the pain in her abdomen severe and throbbing. She can vaguely see the outline of a face hovering over her, but her eyes refuse to focus.

"Ms. Knope, can you hear me?" the doctor asks, and she responds with an almost imperceptible movement of her head.

"My baby. How's my baby?" she croaks weakly, her throat dry and the sound of her voice muffled by the oxygen mask covering her face.

"Your little one's a fighter. We are prepping you for a crash Cesarean now. You have lost a lot of blood, and we are hoping to get the fetus out before it goes too long without oxygen.

"She. I'm having a little girl," Leslie replies automatically, her speech slurred.

"Alright, she. We’re going to do our best to make sure you get to meet her."

Leslie barely registers the doctor's words, her surroundings becoming less and less clear until darkness once again overtakes her.

"We're losing her!" one of the nurses shouts as Leslie's blood pressure begins to plummet. "She's continuing to hemorrhage."

"We need to get her to the OR immediately; the bleeding won’t stop until we get the placenta out. I'm going to need two more units of blood," the doctor shouts.

Leslie is rushed into the operating room where the surgical team takes over, the anesthesiologist administering the anesthetic through Leslie's IV and inserting the endotracheal tube down her throat in order to properly ventilate her lungs. The team cleans and disinfects the area while the obstetrician examines Leslie and monitors the baby's rapidly dropping heart rate.

“Ok, the fetus is in a good position, so we are going to do a lateral incision. Once the fetus is delivered, we can remove the placenta and try to control the bleeding. Hysterectomy will be our LAST option, do you understand?” Dr. Medina informs her team, but before they can respond, the fetal monitor stops detecting a heartbeat.

“Shit, we’ve lost the heartbeat. We have to get her out NOW,” the doctor orders and the surgical team works quickly; cutting into Leslie as fast as possible to extract the baby, and within minutes, she is being pulled out.

“She’s not breathing, and she’s ingested a lot of blood,” one of the nurses informs them and the baby is immediately rushed to the warming table.  They attempt to clear the excess blood and fluid from her lungs and stomach and begin to ventilate. The baby begins gasping as blood is suctioned out of her, and they detect a faint heartbeat.

“Come on, sweetheart,” one of the nurses says to her, “we just need you to cry. Cry for us.”

The nurses work on her tirelessly for three agonizing minutes and are overjoyed when the baby’s color pinks, and she lets out a throaty shriek. Her heart rate is slowly rising and her breath is no longer coming in painful gasps. She is scoring an eight by her five minute APGAR and is quickly whisked away to the maternity ward.

Unfortunately for Leslie, her improvement is not as miraculous as her daughter’s.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

The man who said that patience was a virtue obviously never had to wait to find out if he would ever meet his child or see his wife alive again. Every minute in that waiting room felt like an hour, the constant tapping of his foot as his leg bounces up and down must have been driving everyone in the room crazy, but no one dares say anything.

Nearly thirty minutes after they were first told of Leslie’s condition, the door to the waiting room opens, and the same young doctor enters.

“Mr. Wyatt?”

Ben’s head immediately jerks up, his body making its way across the room of its own volition, Marlene trailing not far behind him. “How are they? Is there any news?”

The doctor looks around the room at the scared and eager faces of Leslie Knope’s loved ones, somewhat cautious to discuss patient information in front of them.

“It’s okay,” Ben assures him, "you can tell me in front of them. They’re family.”

“Well, as you know, we needed to perform a crash Cesarean in response to your wife’s bleeding and the apparent fetal stress. It was touch and go for a while; your daughter was born not breathing and with little color. Her one minute APGAR score was only a three.”

Ben’s face blanches, panic starting to rise in the pit of his stomach. Noticing his distress, the doctor quickly continues. “But the good news is that the surgical team worked on her for several minutes, and we were rewarded with some great color and a healthy cry. Her five minute APGAR was a much improved eight.”

The doctor relaxes slightly, unable to keep the wonder out of his voice. “I am going to be honest with you, Mr. Wyatt, we did not expect your daughter to make it, let alone without any complications or long term affects. You definitely want to keep an eye out as she grows, but there appear to be no long term effects of oxygen deprivation. You’ve got yourself a little fighter.”

Joy erupts in the waiting room, and Ben cannot choke back the sob of relief the bellows out of him at the doctor’s words. He turns to pull Marlene in a crushing hug, both of them overwhelmed by the news. Ben pulls away with a large smile and wipes the few tears from of his face. “And what about my wife, how is she?”

Ben notices a change in the doctor’s demeanor, and suddenly all of the joy is sucked right back out of him.

Taking a deep breath, the doctor speaks cautiously. “She is still in surgery. I came to get you as soon as your daughter was stable and transferred to the nursery.”

“How long will she be in surgery?”

“The latest update was that they are having issues stopping the bleeding, but they are trying to do everything that they can to avoid a hysterectomy. Once the bleeding stops, it will take about another thirty to forty minutes to close the incision. You will be able to see her as soon as she is moved to recovery, although we don’t expect her to be coherent for a few hours.”

Ben’s head nods as he clenches his jaw, his brain unable to process the different thoughts and emotions flowing through him.

“Can I see my daughter?” Ben asks in such a small voice that he hardly recognizes it as his own.

“Yes, of course. I can escort you to the maternity ward now, but we would prefer if just you and your mother-in-law come up for the time being. Once Ms. Knope is out of surgery and moved from her recovery room, she will most likely be stressed and disoriented. We find that patients recover and bond better with the baby if they are not overwhelmed by others. However, it is entirely your decision.”

Ben looks around the room at his friends, torn between wanting to allow them the opportunity to see his daughter, and the selfish desire to have as much time with her alone as possible. Fortunately, Ann unburdens him of that responsibility.

“It’s okay. He’s right. Right now, you and the baby need time to bond and the last thing Leslie needs out of surgery is to be surrounded by people. We can come up once she is out of recovery and up for visitors.”

Ben looks at his wife’s best friend with such gratitude that he is unable to fully put it into words.

“Thank you,” Ben whispers as he leans to pull her into a tight hug. “I don’t even want to think what would have happened had you not been with Leslie today. You helped save my daughter’s life, and I will never be able to thank you enough,” Ben says sincerely with tears in his eyes.

Ann finds herself speechless, squeezing Ben tighter before patting him on the back and releasing him.

“Go up there and see your daughter,” she says with a watery smile. “And you better at least send us pictures of her, mister,” she teases, shaking her finger at him.

“I will,” he says with a smile. He then looks around at the rest of the faces in the room, and for the first time since the incident, he is fully able to appreciate the love that these people have for him and his family.

“Thank you all so much for your support. I can’t tell you how much each and every one of you means to Leslie and me. You’re our family, and we owe you so much. I’ll let you all know as soon as Leslie and the baby are up for visitors.”

“Ugh, just go already,” April says from her seat, but the look in her eyes is anything but malicious.

This earns a genuine smile from Ben who turns back to the doctor. “We’re ready,” Ben says with a decisive nod, unsure how his legs are managing to support his weight given how shaky they suddenly feel.

“Alright, let’s go meet your daughter.”

 

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

 

The elevator ride up to the third floor that houses the maternity ward feels like an eternity; Ben’s fingers nervously tap against his thighs to no particular beat. Marlene can practically feel the tension radiating from him, and she grabs his hand before he can make any more noise.

Initially startled by her actions, Ben reddens with embarrassment at her silent chastisement. While he and his mother-in-law had an interesting start, Ben never having been hit on by any of his girlfriends’ mothers before, they have developed a good relationship based firmly on mutual respect.

“Sorry,” he apologizes weakly, “I’m just a little anxious.”

“You? Anxious? I never would have guessed it,” she remarks sarcastically, a slight smile on her face. “Listen, Ben, I might have thought of you as a spineless jellyfish when we first met, but you quickly changed my opinion. You are a wonderful man who loves and respects my daughter, and that is more than any mother can ask for. The love of a parent, well, it’s like nothing that I have ever experienced. As surprising as it might sound, I was a nervous wreck before Leslie was born. I might have been a teacher, but I didn’t know the first thing about raising a child of my own. But the second they placed her in my arms, all red faced and screaming, something just came over me. Trust your instincts, and just love her. That’s all you can do.”

Ben can't help but be touched by Marlene's sincerity. “Thank you. I really appreciate that."

They finally arrive at the third floor and are lead to what will become Leslie’s room.

“One of the nurses will be bringing your daughter in shortly,” the doctor says before making his way out.

Minutes later, a young nurse comes in pushing a clear bassinet, and inside of it is the most beautiful sight that Ben Wyatt has ever seen. Wrapped tightly in a blanket with only her small, pink face showing is his perfect baby daughter. She is long and lanky, just like him, but the small tufts of blond hair sticking out from under the blanket are clearly Leslie’s. He can’t pull his gaze away from her.

The nurse smiles at the new father, clearly falling in love with his daughter before her eyes. “Would you like to hold her, daddy?” the nurse asks, pulling Ben back to reality.

He is stunned silent for a moment, unable to formulate words, so he simply shakes his head, never once moving his eyes away from his child.

The nurse gently lifts the baby from her bassinet and places her in Ben's waiting arms. No matter how hard he tries, Ben is never able to find the words to describe what that moment feels like. His eyes fill with tears as he looks down at her, holding her as though she is the most precious thing on earth, because to him, she is.

“She’s so tiny and beautiful,” Ben whispers softly to no one in particular. “Hi, sweetheart,” he coos, “I’m your daddy.” His voice cracks, and he has to force down another sob. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to finally meet you.” He places a gently kiss on her forehead.  “You gave us quite a scare.”

“She sure gave us a run for our money, but here she is, all seven pounds three ounces of her,” the nurse tells him. “Have you picked out a name yet?”

Ben can’t bring himself to look away from his little girl, so he simply shakes his head no. “We hadn’t finalized anything yet. We wanted to wait until we met her first. Leslie and I are going to decide together.”

His heart breaks at the thought of Leslie lying unconscious on an operating table as the surgical team rushes to stabilize her. “She should be here with me,” Ben laments softly. “It’s not fair that she isn’t.”

He can feel Marlene place her hand on his arm. “I know it isn’t, but if I know my daughter, she’s fighting her hardest to make it back to the both of you.”

Ben nods his head and continues to gaze at his daughter’s sleeping face. Suddenly, he looks to Marlene guiltily. “I’m sorry; did you want to hold her?”

She smiles at him, touched by his consideration but shakes her head. “Not just yet. You need this time with her right now. I am more than content to watch.”

The nurse smiles at the interaction before speaking up once again. “Now as I'm sure you know, skin-to-skin contact after birth is very important for the baby. In cases where the mother is unavailable due to circumstances such as this one, we have found that skin-to-skin with the father is just as effective. Would you like to try it?”

For the first time since she entered the room, Ben looks up towards the nurse with wide eyes and nods his head vigorously. “Y-Yes, yes definitely.”

“Wonderful. What we’re going to do is have you unbutton your shirt so that your front is exposed, and we’re going to unwrap the baby from her blanket. Then you can take a seat in the reclining chair in the corner, and you’ll hold her against your skin while covering her back with either your shirt or the blanket.”

Ben immediately hands the baby over to Marlene and walks over to the chair while he unbuttons his dress shirt. The nurse removes the blanket from around the baby, and Marlene places her in Ben’s arms once again. He immediately holds her close as she lays her head in the crook of his neck. The feel of her soft skin against his bare chest is indescribable, and he can feel her soft puffs of breath tattoo against his neck. She curls into him instinctively and starts puckering her lips.

“That’s good,” the nurse says encouragingly. “She’s rooting for the breast, which is what we were hoping for. This will make it a lot easier when she meets mommy. Now, I am going to leave the three of you alone for now. Someone will come by with an update on your wife as soon as they can.”

“Thank you so much.”

Ben closes his eyes as he presses his lips against his daughter’s head, inhaling her scent and memorizing the feel of her against him. He is certain that he could sit here like this forever and be perfectly content; the only thing missing was Leslie. He silently curses the universe for dealing them this shitty hand. No one deserved to have this moment more than his wife. She has spent her entire life and career putting others first and this is how she’s rewarded: nearly dying on a surgical table and unable to experience the first moments of their little girl’s life.

Ben feels cheated. They couldn’t wait to experience the birth of their child together, the two of them soaking in as much information as possible from their birthing classes. His iPad was full of notes on different coaching techniques for when he would be in the delivery room, and Leslie literally had binders full of her own notes on the pros and cons of different birthing methods and drug options.

He often had dreams of their daughter’s birth, him holding Leslie’s hand through every contraction, encouraging her as she started to lose her strength to push, watching as they pulled his daughter out from her, cutting the umbilical cord, kissing his wife’s face as she held their newborn baby on her chest.

But now, all he has are those dreams, mere figments of his own imagination. Despite Leslie’s binders of possible birthing scenarios, neither one of them ever imagined that it would have happened like this. It was the impossible situation, the “only happens in 1% of pregnancies, so it can’t possibly happen to us” option.

They knew of the risks involved in having a baby after thirty five, and they did everything right. Leslie had beyond regular visits with her doctor, performing blood tests, urine analysis, checking her blood pressure and sugar levels, everything, and there wasn’t a single hiccup. Not one abnormal result or cause for concern, but what good was it now? In only three days, Leslie’s own body turned against her and nearly killed her and their child. Ben might not believe in curses, but he is beginning to see why so many Pawneans do.         

As if she can feel his distress, the baby starts to fuss against him. He immediately tries to calm himself, and he whispers soothing words into his daughter’s ear, placing gentle kisses wherever he can until she finally settles down and falls back to sleep with a soft sigh. He almost forgets that his mother- in- law is still in the room until he hears her take of picture of them with her phone.

She looks at him innocently. “Well, it’s obvious that you aren’t in the position to take one, and you did promise everyone a picture.”

“That I did,” Ben replies with a grin.

She sends the picture to everybody, including Ben, and announces that she is going to head out for a bit.

“You need your privacy, and I need some coffee. Let me know of any news about Leslie, and I’ll be back here as soon as she is out of recovery.”

“I will, Marlene, and thank you for everything."

“My pleasure,” she replies as she leans down to place a kiss on Ben’s cheek and one on her granddaughters head. She gazes down at her new grandchild and the look on her face is one of complete love and adoration, emotions many thought impossible for the “Iron Cock Shredder of Pawnee”, but Marlene had been right, parenthood, and apparently grandparenthood, is a whole different experience.

“Thank you for making me a grandmother,” she says before seeing herself out.

For the first time since her birth, Ben is alone with his daughter. He stares at her again and marvels at just how much of Leslie he sees in her face. She has her eye shape, and he hopes her eye color, and thankfully her nose as well, but her mouth is all his, her little lips carbon copies of her father’s.

“You are so beautiful, just like your mama,” he says to her. “I can’t wait for you to meet her. She is the most wonderful person in the whole world, and she loves you so much already. It’s killing me that she can’t be here with us just yet. Did you know that she hated me when we first met? To be fair, I  _was_  trying to have her fired, but before you judge me, it was nothing personal. I just didn’t realize how amazing she was, but that didn’t take long.”

Ben spends the next thirty minutes talking to his daughter about when he first came to Pawnee and met Leslie. Realistically, Ben knows that she has no idea what he’s saying, but the vibrating of his chest as he speaks is soothing to her, and talking about happy memories of Leslie is soothing to him. His talking is interrupted by a knock on the door, and the same young nurse as before enters with a smile.

“How is everyone doing?” she asks softly.

“We’re doing just fine,” he says smiling down at his daughter. “Any news on my wife?”

“Yes, that’s actually why I came in. We have some good news. It took about twenty minutes, but they were able to stop the bleeding without needing to perform a hysterectomy. She did require an additional blood transfusion, but she is stable and they are almost done closing her up. She should be brought to recovery in about fifteen minutes if you wanted to go down and see her.”

Ben absorbs the nurse’s words, thrilled that his wife pulled through, but then again he wasn’t surprised. His wife wasn’t a quitter, and apparently neither was his daughter. Ben wants nothing more than to go and see Leslie, however, he knows that hospital policy dictates that he cannot bring his daughter with him, and he isn’t ready to leave her just yet.

Apparently the nurse can sense his conflict. “I’m sure you are aware of our visitor’s policy when it comes to recovery rooms.”

Ben nods his head slowly, pain etched into his face at the thought of leaving his daughter behind. He wants their child to be the first thing that Leslie sees when she wakes up. God only knows what panic she might endure if she wakes up and doesn’t see the baby.

“Now it is against our policy, but the hospital staff has agreed to make an exception in your case and allow you to bring your daughter down to recovery with you.”

Ben’s eyes go wide in disbelief followed immediately by a large grin overtaking his face.

“Really? Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me and what it will mean to Leslie. Thank you,” Ben gushes, holding his daughter tightly against him and kissing her head.

“Please, don’t mention it. Councilwoman Knope has done a lot for this hospital and the community. Believe us, this is the least we can do, especially after all that she went through.”

Ben once again blinks back tears. Honestly, he has cried more today than he thinks he has in his entire life, but he doubts even Ron Swanson could find fault in that. Ben stands and wraps his shirt around the back of his daughter as best as he can, sealing her against him. The wait is over; he’s finally going to see Leslie.

 

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

The first things Leslie notices when she wakes up is the dead weight feeling of her limbs, the soreness of her throat, and a constant beeping sound. She is so groggy, and the effort it will take her to open her eyes doesn’t seem worth it. For a brief second, she wonders why her bed feels so uncomfortable, and then everything comes rushing back to her: the pain of her contractions, rushing into surgery, her baby. Her baby, where’s her baby? She wants to panic, but whatever drugs she’s on isn’t making it possible for her to react. As she slowly becomes more aware, she can faintly hear a voice half humming and half singing softly. To her surprise, it was Ben’s; she’d know that voice anywhere, half doped up or not.

Using all of her effort, she turns her head in the direction of his voice, desperate to ask him about their child. As she forces her eyes open and allows them to focus, she is met with the most beautiful scene that she has ever witnessed. Her husband is seated in a chair not far from her hospital bed, his shirt unbuttoned and a tiny bundle curled up against his naked chest. He is softly singing  _I Will Remember You_ to their daughter, a song very near and dear to Leslie’s heart. In fact, it was a constant staple in every single one of her “Ben Mixes”.

Tears cloud Leslie’s vision, and she soon finds the strength to softly speak. “Are you really singing a Sarah McLachlan song to our daughter?”

Ben is startled by her voice and jerks his head up immediately. The exuberant smile that overtakes him as he looks into her eyes causes Leslie to fall in love with him all over again.

“Well, it was either that or  _Whoomp! There It Is_ , and I felt this one was more appropriate.”

He lifts himself from the chair and drags it behind him closer to her bed. He leans over and presses a gently yet meaningful kiss against her forehead, and Leslie can feel some of his tears fall onto her face.

“How are you feeling? Are you going to stay awake this time?”

Leslie would have thought he was joking, but his voice sounds completely serious and concerned.  

“This time? What do you mean? How long have I been out?”

“The nurses said you probably wouldn’t remember. You woke up a couple of times when they brought you out of the operating room, about two hours ago. You just kept asking about the baby and then went back to sleep. You have been out for a while, but the doctor said that your vitals look good.” At this point Ben closes his eyes and once again presses his lips to her forehead. “God, Les, you have no idea how happy I am that you both made it through alright.”

Leslie allows the tears that had been building up to fall freely. “Me too, Ben.  How is she? Can I see her?”

“Oh, my God, of course! I’m so sorry.”

Ben pulls back his shirt and shifts the infant in his arms towards Leslie.

“Sweetheart, meet your mommy,” he whispers to her and brings her close to Leslie’s face. “Do you think you’re strong enough to have her on your chest? The doctor said you can start breastfeeding whenever you’re able.”

Leslie instantly nods her head. Despite the drugs, there is still a dull ache radiating from her abdomen, but she desperately wants to feel her daughter’s skin on hers. Ben holds the baby against him with one hand and uses the other to help remove the top of Leslie’s hospital gown. After moving the bed to a more upright position, Ben gently places the baby against Leslie’s chest.

Leslie feels a new wave of tears the instant that her baby’s perfect skin comes into contact with hers. She realizes that she has missed out on the first hours of her daughter’s life, and a deep pain hits her heart.  She automatically moves the baby towards her breast and waits, silently pleading that she latches on. The baby immediately begins to root and finally manages to suckle, Leslie crying a happy sigh of relief.

She can’t pull her eyes away; the reality that she finally has her daughter in her arms is too overwhelming. She moves her hand towards the baby and lazily traces a light finger over her check, memorizing every aspect of her child’s gorgeous face.

“She’s so beautiful,” she whispers, briefly looking up to meet Ben’s eyes, but Ben is entranced by the sight of his daughter feeding. Ben has always been a fan of Leslie’s breasts, so this is definitely not the first time that he has simply stared at them, but this was different. There wasn’t a trace of lust or desire in his eyes, just awe and wonder.

“She’s perfect,” Ben responds after a brief pause. “You both are. So beautiful and so perfect,” he finishes, finally bringing his eyes up to meet hers. “She looks just like you,” he says to her with a smile.

“She has your lips, though. Your perfect, kissable lips,” Leslie observes with a grin, and looks back towards Ben.

He chuckles at her description, and leans forward to kiss her properly for the first time since she was first wheeled away from him. Once he breaks the kiss, he rests his forehead against hers and brings his hand to cup her cheek. “I was so scared that I was never going to see you again,” he confesses to her, his voice laced with emotion as he chokes back tears.

“Me too. I don’t really remember much after I collapsed in the bathroom, but I know that I had this constant feeling of fear in me. I just knew something was wrong.” She remains silent for a moment before asking the question that has been burning within her since she woke up.

“Ben, what exactly happened to me?” her voice sounding so small and frail that it breaks Ben’s heart.

“What do you remember?” he counters, hoping to fill in the blanks rather than relive the entire horrifying experience unnecessarily.

She closes her eyes and concentrates, trying to put together some of the memories that are scattered throughout her mind. “Uhm, I remember bleeding in the bathroom and coming to the hospital. I was pretty out of it by the time we got here, so I could hear them talking to you, but I don’t know what they were saying. I think I must have blacked out for a while because when I came around again, there was a doctor over me saying that I was about to have a C-section in order to save the baby. I don’t remember anything after that.”

Ben shakes his head in understanding, trying to find the right words to say. “Well, uhm, you had something called a placental abruption, a pretty severe one apparently, so your placenta started to tear away from your uterus, causing you to bleed out and the baby to not get enough oxygen.” He chokes back another sob as he continues. “God, Les, you lost so much blood; they weren’t sure if either of you would make it. They rushed you into surgery and within minutes they had the baby out.”

“Were there any issues? Was she okay?” she asks eagerly, wanting to know everything about their baby’s condition.

Ben slowly shook his head. “Not at first. They said that she was blue and not breathing. Her one minute APGAR was only a three.”

By this point Leslie is looking down at her little girl on her chest and allows the tears to fall, so guilty that her daughter had to suffer like that.

“They said they worked on her for several minutes and then almost in an instant, she let out a cry and her color started to turn. By five minutes, her APGAR was an eight. They said they had never seen anything like it, especially given the severity of your tear.” Ben lets out a tearful laugh. “They said she came out fighting.”

Leslie nods as she stares back down at their daughter, who had finished feeding and was now sound asleep against her. “That she did. She’s our little miracle.”

“Have we decided what we are going to call Our Little Miracle?” Ben asks.

“I don’t know. The more I think about it, the more Eleanor just  _feels_  right, you know?”

“I do. Name our strong little lady after another strong lady. Eleanor Ann Knope-Wyatt. I love it,” he says as he brushes his lips across his daughter’s head.

Leslie looks at him with tears in her eyes, her voice hopeful. “Ann? Really?”

“Yes, definitely. I know I wasn’t completely sold on it when you first suggested it, or the fifty-seventh time you suggested it,” he gives her loving smirk, “but after what Ann did for us today, I can’t think of anyone else I would rather honor by naming my daughter after her. She helped save your lives, Les, and she kept me informed and grounded whenever something came up. It’s the least we can do,” he says sincerely.

Leslie smiles up at him through her tears and nods her agreement. “Absolutely.” Suddenly as if a light switch has been flicked, Leslie remembers Ann and the rest of her friends and family. “Oh my God, Ann! And my mom, and the Parks Department. Do they know what happened? Are they going to come visit?”

“Calm down Leslie. Everyone has been waiting since you were first brought in. They love you and wanted to make sure you both were okay. Your mom came with me to see the baby after she was born, but everyone else agreed to wait until you were up for it. They wanted us to be the first to see her and spend time with her, together.”

“That’s so sweet of them,” Leslie says with a sniffle.

“They said they would wait until you got moved to your room in the maternity ward, but I can get them now if you want,” Ben tells her, ready to get up at her command.

Leslie looks between Ben and her little Eleanor, and she feels a wave of love and contentment, not wanting their family moment to end just yet.

“No, it’s okay. I can wait to see them until I get moved out of recovery. I just want us to be together like this for a little while longer.”

Ben smiles and softly kisses her. “Me too.”

Ben gazes at his wife and child and thinks of his and Leslie’s journey together, almost five years in the making. It wasn’t an easy road to get to this point; their forbidden relationship, Leslie’s difficult campaign, their long distance relationship while he was in Washington, the pregnancy, and of course the chaotic circumstances surrounding their daughter’s birth. But as he looks at his new family before him, he realizes that it was well worth the wait.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the arrival of their daughter, Leslie must deal with her own feelings of guilt and insecurity before it threatens the tear her and Ben apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to continue the story past the birth of the baby, specifically dealing with how the traumatic circumstances surrounding Eleanor’s birth affected Leslie and Ben emotionally and physically. Some might feel that Leslie is a little OOC in this chapter, but it should be mentioned that women who endure traumatic birthing experiences are more likely to suffer from these types of feelings and intense hormone fluctuations. This chapter is a bit dark and angsty, so be warned…

Leslie feels a crushing weight on her chest that prevents her from breathing and a sharp pain ripping through her abdomen. She is drenched in blood, but she can’t bring herself to cry for help, every attempt at a scream failing. She frantically looks around for someone, anyone, but is met by nothing but endless darkness. She stares at her swollen, bleeding stomach and faints.

The next thing she knows, she is laying flat on an operating table, her body completely naked and exposed as faceless men and women in scrubs and surgical masks run around her frantically. She looks down at her swollen belly and sees that it’s covered in blood, a doctor cutting into her with a large scalpel. Something’s wrong; she knows it. She shouldn’t be awake right now, nor should she be able to see what they’re doing to her. She can feel every agonizing inch of the thin blade as it cuts across her tissue, but her lungs still refuse to cry out.

She feels a tugging from below, and all of a sudden, the surgeon is pulling out the lifeless body of her baby girl. She is covered in blood and not moving, whatever skin that is exposed is a sickening shade of blue. The doctors circle Leslie as they pass around her dead child, none of them offering any of their sympathies or condolences. They call time of death and place the body on small table, covering the baby in a thin, white sheet.

Leslie refuses to accept what she is seeing. This isn’t possible, she thinks to herself. They are supposed to try and save her, resuscitate her, ventilate her, something. They aren’t just supposed to just let her die. Leslie attempts to get up from the table, but she is paralyzed. Hot tears pierce her eyes as she slowly drifts out of consciousness.

When she awakens again, she can hear the faint sound of someone crying in the distance. As she slowly becomes more aware, the sound gets closer and closer until she can recognize the sound as the sobs of her husband. She opens her eyes and is surprised to find herself in a large, darkened room, empty except for her bed and the lonely chair that her husband is sitting on. His face is buried in his hands, loud, gut wrenching sobs wracking his body. She has never seen him like this before, and it scares her. The man that she loves is wailing mere feet from her, and she wants to know why.

“Ben?” she calls out tentatively, her voice working for the first time.

He looks up to her at the sound of her voice, and she is frightened by his expression. As he stares at her with his red-rimmed eyes, his face of sorrow transforms into one of pure rage and hatred.

“Ben, what’s wrong?” she manages to choke out, her voice shaking with fear; a fear that she never imagined would be directed at her husband.

He stares at her as she speaks, his look of hatred now mixed with one of disgust.

“What’s wrong?” he yells, repulsed by her. “What’s wrong is that you killed my baby! You were supposed to take care of her, and you let her die!”

Leslie is stunned, wanting to respond, but she physically is unable to move at the sound of her husband’s livid screams.

“I trusted you.  _She_ trusted you, and all you could do was lie there as she died. You didn’t do anything to try and save her, you were just worried about yourself.” Ben stands up from the chair and starts walking towards her, a menacing look on his face. “You always were so selfish, only caring about what you wanted. Is this what you wanted? My baby is dead because of you.”

She finally manages to find her voice, panic rising within her as Ben slowly makes his way towards her as he screams. “No, Ben, I didn’t-”

“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!” he cuts her off. By now, he is right at her bedside, and he slowly lowers his face so that it is mere inches away from hers. She looks into his eyes, but they are not her husband’s eyes. Her husband’s eyes are soft and loving. These eyes are almost completely black, filled with fury and loathing.

His next words are not screamed as his previous ones had been. They are quiet, dangerously quiet. “It should have been you,” he says with a harsh whisper. “ _You_  should be the one that didn’t make it, not my daughter. It should have been you.”

He slowly rises so that he is standing upright, and he simply turns and walks away into the darkness, Leslie screaming his name at his retreating form. She falls back against the bed and begins to weep, screaming for her husband and child

~*~*~*~

Leslie awakens with a start, gasping sharply into the night air. She can feel the remnants of the tears that she must have cried during her nightmare drying on her face. She looks around her bedroom, her eyes slowly adjusting to the dark room lit only by a small stream of moonlight. Her heart is racing, and she spends the next several minutes convincing herself that it was all a dream, a horrific nightmare. The clock on her bedside table reads 3:17, and she groans into her pillow.

She can feel her husband’s arm wrapped around her, his body spooning her from behind. She is thankful that their daughter’s erratic nightly feeding schedule has left him exhausted, because under normal circumstances, he would have felt her jerk awake in his arms and inquire about what was wrong.

It’s been over two months since their daughter was born, and the frequency of these dreams has increased in that time. When she first began having these nightmares, she viewed them as a normal manifestation of the severe emotional trauma that she had endured, or at least that was what some psychologist had said in an article that she read. Over time, she expected them to slowly go away as she came to terms with everything that had happened to her.

She knows that these dreams are irrational and untrue. Her daughter is healthy and safe, and her husband would never look or talk to her like the Ben in her dreams, but these facts do nothing to calm her, nor do they make the dreams go away. Despite everything that she knows, she can’t shake this overwhelming feeling of guilt, as if somewhere deep down, she really  _does_  think that Ben blames her for almost losing their daughter.

These thoughts and feelings race through her mind, and suddenly she can’t bear the feeling of his body against hers, as if she is some kind of poison that will taint him. She attempts to remove herself from his grasp, but he unconsciously holds her tighter as she tries to slip away. At that moment, the sound of their daughter’s cries emanate from the baby monitor in their room. Ben immediately awakens, his groggy voice whispering in Leslie’s ear that he would take care of it.

“No, it’s okay, I got it,” Leslie tells him quickly, thankful for the excuse to extract herself from his arms. He nods his head in a drowsy acknowledgment, and almost immediately falls back to sleep.

“What’s the matter, Ellie-Baby?” Leslie coos softly as she makes her way to her daughter’s crib. She gently lifts the baby to her chest and begins running her hand across her back in a soothing motion. “You’re hungry, I know,” she says, making her way to the rocking chair that Ron had built for the nursery. Leslie stares down at her daughter as she latches on to her breast, hoping that the feel of Ellie in her arms will drive away the remnants of her nightmare.

Leslie loves her daughter more than she ever thought possible, and she is thankful that she didn’t experience any feelings of detachment that can be prevalent in women who are not conscious for the birth of their child. She remembers reading personal stories from mothers who spent the first several months not engaging with their babies because they didn’t witness their birth, some not even able to acknowledge that these babies were their own children.

Looking down at her little Eleanor, Leslie can’t imagine feeling that way, but at the same time, she empathizes with these women. She knows what it feels like to have that gnawing feeling of guilt and shame because she wasn’t mentally and emotionally present for her daughter’s birth. She knows what it feels like to wonder if your husband blames you for what happened, upset that you took away his opportunity see his child enter the world. She knows what it’s like to think “what-if?” What if I could have done more to prevent this? What if I had just gone to the doctor a little bit sooner?

At first, she attributed these feelings to the “post baby blues” that everyone kept telling her about. In fact, she still does, but she wonders when they will go away. She hates feeling like this, her logical side unable to compete with the strength of these emotions and feelings. She knows that Ben senses something is wrong, too.

The first few days after her C-section, nothing seemed wrong. Everyone had been so wonderful in helping out as she recovered. Her mom, Ann, Donna, and the Gergich’s would alternate bringing them food; her mother and Ann staying with them the first few days to help with the baby. Tom brought over several onesies from his new infant line at  _Rent-A-Swag_ , and Andy had recorded a special playlist of lullabies and nursery rhymes that he sang “Mouse Rat style.” Even Ron and April were working extra hard at the office so Leslie wouldn’t have more reasons to stress about work not being done.

Of course there was Ben, sweet, amazing, perfect Ben. He was by her side from the very beginning, supporting her as she took her first tentative steps after the surgery, helping her with Ellie when she was too weak to lift her, and taking care of more than his fair share of midnight feedings and diaper changes.  The only thing that she refused his help on was changing the dressing on her incision.

Leslie has always been confident in her body, never shy or embarrassed by anything that could be perceived as a “flaw”.  Even when she was pregnant with Ellie, she only had a few hormone induced moments of insecurity about her changing body. She knew that these changes were normal, and the fact that they were a result of her carrying her child made her even more proud to embrace them. It was certainly a bonus that Ben found her pregnant body incredibly beautiful and sexy, which helped her self esteem, but she knew her self-image was never contingent upon what others thought.

Which is why, now, she is worried about her feelings towards her C-section scar and the few extra pounds she has yet to shed. She refused to let Ben help her shower or change her dressing because she didn’t want him to see her. As a matter of fact, he still hasn’t. He knows something is wrong, but thankfully he hasn’t pressured or pushed her into telling him.

It’s been ten weeks since Ellie was born, and Leslie and Ben still have not had sex. At her six week appointment with her doctor, Leslie was declared fully recovered and able to resume whatever regular physical activity she felt comfortable with. Apparently, sex is still not on Leslie’s list of things she feels comfortable with.

She knows Ben is concerned as to why they haven’t been intimate despite the doctor’s okay, but he never forces the issue, and she is sure that he has spent several hours in the last two months relieving some tension during his morning showers. It wasn’t as though Leslie was no longer affectionate with Ben, but whenever things got heated, she would pull away and say that she was either too tired or her scar was starting to hurt. She felt horrible lying to her husband, especially when he was so sympathetic and understanding, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him the truth: that the ever confident Leslie Knope didn’t want her own husband to see her naked. So instead of facing the truth, she is slowly trying to distance herself from him.

Leslie is torn from her thoughts as she feels Ellie detach from her with a sigh. Leslie covers herself back up and gently burps her daughter. When she finishes, Leslie returns Ellie to her crib and goes back to her bedroom, slipping under the covers as far away from Ben as possible. Even in his sleep, he feels her return, and like a heat seeking missile, he finds her and pulls her close to him. She stiffens under his touch, but Ben is too out of it to notice.

“She okay?” he slurs groggily.

“Yeah, she’s fine. Go back to sleep,” she tells him quickly, trying to keep as much distance between them as she can while his arm is around her.

She can hear his breathing begin to slow as he falls back asleep, but not before he whispers a heartfelt “I love you” into her hair, her heart breaking at the sincerity in his sleep ridden voice. She loves her husband more than anything, and that’s why it’s killing her that she can’t bring herself to echo his words.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Ben isn’t as clueless as people tend to think he is. In fact, he considers himself to be slightly  _more_  observant than your average individual, but his Minnesota upbringing had taught very early on to take the more passive aggressive approach to problem solving, which in his childhood home meant ignoring everything until it ate at you from the inside out or blew up in everyone’s face. He saw how that attitude ruined his parents’ marriage and even negatively affected his own relationship with them, and he didn’t want that to happen to him, but old habits die hard.

He noticed from the very beginning that Leslie’s attitude had shifted after having the baby. At first, this didn’t come as much of a surprise to him, having read enough parenting and pregnancy books to prepare himself for the almost inevitable post baby hormones, but somewhere deep inside of him, he knows that this is different, and yet, he can’t bring himself to ask her about it.

The traumatic circumstances surrounding Ellie’s birth affected both he and Leslie deeply, but Ben had no idea how to approach the subject without further upsetting his wife. He has done his own share of extensive research into the different reactions that women have had in response to experiences similar to theirs, and to be honest, some of what he read frightened him. It’s hard for him to even imagine the possibility that his normally happy and confident wife could be capable of such feelings of guilt, sadness, and self consciousness. It almost seems to defy the very nature of who Leslie is, but every article he read concluded the same thing: these thoughts and feelings can affect anyone. They don’t care how many parks you’ve built, how many elections you’ve won, or how many impossible scenarios you’ve made possible. All it takes is for one little seed of guilt and fear to be planted, and it grows within you like a weed.

He hurts for Leslie, very aware that her exhaustion is not just a result of their daughter’s night time feeding schedule, but her ever increasing nightmares. Sometimes he can hear her crying in her sleep, his and Ellie’s names flowing out of her mouth in a desperate plea of forgiveness. He tries to comfort her during these dreams, but as soon as she wakes up, he notices that she distances herself from him.

That probably pains him the most. He can understand that a lot of what she is feeling is perfectly normal given the circumstances, but the fact that she can no longer find comfort in him breaks his heart, especially since he knows that this dream version of him blames Leslie for what happened. He tries to be encouraging; tries to make small comments here and there of support and love without letting on how much he knows, and he can tell that she appreciates it, but something is holding her back.

Leslie is a prideful woman, having been taught the importance of confidence and strength at her mother’s knee. She perfected the art of not portraying weakness whilst climbing the ranks of the “boy’s club” that was local government. That’s why Ben fears confronting her on these issues. He knows her immediate reaction is denial, followed quickly by a show of her abilities until she runs herself ragged. He saw this clearly during her campaign when she fought Ron tooth and nail about taking her sabbatical. He doesn’t want to push her, and he doesn’t want to give her even more reason to feel guilty or resentful towards him, but he is at his wit’s end.

But ultimately, he would wait until she was ready to confide in him; he would wait for Leslie forever if he has to.

~*~*~*~*~*

Leslie and Ben had agreed that after her initial six weeks of maternity leave, they would alternate work schedules for the next few weeks before they both return to work full time and place Ellie in daycare. Luckily for Ben, his job as president of the Sweetum’s Foundation allowed him the luxury of doing a majority of his work from home, especially with Andy stepping up and taking control in his absence.

Today, Leslie has her first major city council meeting since being back from her leave, so Ben is staying home with the baby. He loves spending these quality moments with his daughter, and as he usually does when he stays home, Ben lays reclined on the couch, reading charity proposals on his iPad as he relishes the feeling of his daughter asleep on his chest.

Ever since he first felt his daughter against him, he craves having her close to him almost constantly, like an addict craves a drug. At first, those few hours he spent at work away from her were torturous, counting down the minutes until he could come home. He knew it would get easier over time, but until then, he would spend as little time away from her as possible.

If he’s going to be honest with himself, he feels the same way about Leslie, especially after they had first gotten together. His emotions towards Leslie were obviously romantic in nature, but the same desire was there. He wanted to be near her constantly, even before they were a couple, but after their first night together, after he was finally able to kiss her full lips, run his hands over her soft skin, trail his tongue down her most intimate places, that want intensified.

His visits to her office increased, utilizing every ounce of self control to not just bend her over her desk right there and then. He spent many hours stuck behind his desk as a result of his physical reactions to his memories of Leslie from the previous night. Their secret rendezvous in Ann's office were only quick fixes, small tastes of what he wanted to do to her.

Those few months that they were broken up were literally torture for him. At those moments, he sympathized with recovering addicts, the pains of withdrawal leaving him curled up in his room, physically aching for her.

He couldn't even imagine ever having to go without the little bundle curled against his chest. He wondered if there was some kind of support group for people like him. “Hi, my name is Ben Wyatt, and I'm addicted to my wife and child.” He chuckles to himself at his small joke, the sudden movement of his chest disturbing his daughter, and she starts to fuss.

"Aww, I'm sorry Ellie-Belly. Come here.” He sits himself up on the couch and pulls her against him, slowly patting her back and whispering soothing sounds in her ear. She begins to settle down, and at that moment, he hears the front door open and the clicking of Leslie's heels against the hardwood floor.

The sight of Ben with their daughter always makes Leslie's heart swell no matter what she is feeling, and this time is no different. She makes her way over to them as Ben gently rocks Ellie in his arms, pressing a quick kiss to Ben’s lips and then another on Ellie’s head.

“How'd it go?” he asks, looking up at her expectantly.

She lets out a disappointed sigh and sits on the couch next to him. “Not good. There was a new bill that I tried really hard to get passed, but it got shot down three to two.”

Ben wraps his free arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his side. “I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know you were working really hard on it.”

Leslie burrows into Ben’s side, laying her head opposite her daughter’s on Ben’s chest and lifts her hand to run it up and down Ellie’s back. Ben presses his lips against Leslie’s hair, inhaling the scent of her and allowing it to consume him. These moments with her have become far less frequent since the baby, and he relishes every second that she allows herself to be close to him.

“How was she?” Leslie asks quietly.

“She’s an angel. Didn’t really do much except eat and sleep. She started to get fussy earlier, but as soon as I picked her up and began to rock her, she settled down pretty quickly.”

Leslie nods her acknowledgement, and they sit in silence for a moment, content to just be in each other’s presence. Then, the hand that was running down Ellie’s back moves to start caressing Ben’s naked chest; his heart starts to beat faster at the feel of her touching him. He looks down at her face and notices that she is staring almost trancelike at her hand as it moves over the contours of his flesh. She scrapes her nails across his nipple, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from him. The noise seems to break Leslie from her reverie, and she quickly moves her hand away, a guilty look on her face. She immediately takes Ellie into her arms and starts to get off of the couch.

“Leslie?” Ben asks tentatively, trying to gauge her emotions.

“It’s almost time to feed her again, so I’m just going to go change and take care of her.” She leaves the living room before Ben even has a chance to respond, not that Ben even knew what to say at this point. He leans forward and places his face in his hands, letting out a frustrated sigh before he roughly sits up and runs his hands through his hair.      

Upstairs, Leslie sets Ellie in the middle of their bed and surrounds her with a few pillows before she starts to change out of her work clothes. She can't believe the way she behaved downstairs, so obvious in her discomfort at being caught. This wasn’t just some random guy who she had been caught flirting with, nor was this like the time when she and Ben’s relationship was forbidden. He was her  _husband,_  and she behaved as though touching him was a mortal sin.

Ever since Ellie was born, Leslie has noticed that Ben is shirtless around the house more than he ever was before, him loving the feel of Ellie against his bare skin. This is such a stark contrast to what she is used to with Ben, whose relaxation attire used to consist of his normal work clothes sans tie. Leslie loves watching him walk around the house exposed like this, able to appreciate the muscles in his slight frame. This did not bode well with Leslie’s plan to slowly limit contact with him until she is emotionally ready to once again engage in a physical relationship.

Despite some of her recent behavior, Leslie is still extremely attracted to her husband, as today’s small episode has proven. When she felt him put his arm around her and pull her against his skin, a mixture of love and desire pulsed through her. She tried to ignore the intense attraction that she felt at that moment, but her hand moved from her daughter’s back to her husband’s chest almost against her will, the familiar feel of him beneath her fingertips too powerful and hypnotic. She wants nothing more than to caress every inch of his skin, to use her lips to become reacquainted with his body, but she is not ready for Ben to do the same to her.

Ben’s gasp at her touch startled her, triggering her fight or flight reaction in an instant. She knew her actions were a bad idea, not wanting to mislead Ben into thinking that she was ready to go beyond innocent kisses and touches, but the look in his eyes as she pulled away broke her heart. She hates being the cause of so much of Ben’s pain, but she is unable to share her feelings of guilt with him just yet, which ironically adds to that ever growing pile of guilt inside of her.

Once Leslie finishes feeding, burping, and changing Ellie, she carries her drowsy daughter to her crib and gently places her inside. She takes note of the various toys and stuffed animals that adorn Ellie’s bedroom, most of them compliments of her colleagues and friends. Her eyes fall on two stuffed animals in particular, ones that used to occupy a special place on Leslie’s own bed. The stuffed Li’l Sebastian and Yachter Otter stand out amongst the rest of Ellie’s toys, most likely due to their emotional significance to Leslie, both such thoughtful gifts to her from her husband.

The thought that she is causing so much turmoil to the man who has always been so loving and considerate to her once again sends pangs through her heart. She turns resolutely and makes her way downstairs to find Ben, determined to somehow make amends for her earlier behavior.

As Leslie walks into the kitchen, she sees Ben working on dinner, staring pensively at the wall as his spaghetti sauce simmers in a pot on the stove. He must have started cooking immediately after she took Ellie upstairs, Ben not even bothering to put on a shirt before starting. She walks quietly behind him and wraps her arms around his middle, pressing her cheek firmly against his bare back. Leslie takes Ben by surprise, and she feels him stiffen at the contact, but he soon relaxes against her, basking in her touch.

Neither of them moves for several minutes, but after Ben turns off the stove, he shifts in her arms to fully wrap himself around her, pulling her flush against him and resting his chin against her head. He knows this is Leslie’s form of an apology for what had happened earlier, and he gently squeezes her in a silent sign of forgiveness.

“You know I love you, right?” Leslie asks quietly, her voice muffled by his chest.

“Of course I do. Always,” he responds, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “Come on. Let’s eat,” he says lightly, and moves to the gather the dinner plates and silverware.

Leslie smiles softly at his retreating form, her appetite returning for the first time that day.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Next week is one of the Sweetum’s Foundation’s largest fundraising events, and Ben inwardly groans as he looks at the circled date on his calendar. The extravagant charity dinners are probably Ben’s least favorite aspect of his job, having to get all dressed up in order to hobnob with Pawnee and Eagleton’s wealthiest individuals who only donate to his foundation so they can have a decent tax write-off. But as president, he is obligated to attend, and the money raised at these events always goes a long way.

Leslie, on the other hand, enjoyed going to them, viewing it as a chance to get dressed up and make connections with some of the area business leaders. Ben loves watching her float around the room, a brilliant smile lighting up her face with each new person that she meets, easily winning people over with her charm, wit, and genuine good nature. 

He had hopes that this upcoming dinner would raise Leslie’s spirits, giving her something other than work and the baby to focus on, but Ben can see that this isn’t the case. He knows that she is going out of a sense of duty rather than actual interest, attending as “Mrs. Wyatt”, the wife of the President, instead of as Councilwoman Leslie Knope.

Ben sighs as he turns out the light in their home office and makes his way to their room to get ready for bed, wanting to find Leslie and give her the option of refusing to attend the dinner if she wanted to. He sees the light on in their en suite bathroom and calls to her. “Hey, Les, are you sure-” he starts to say, but cuts himself short when he notices that his wife is standing in front of their bathroom mirror, her robe open and her entire naked front exposed, examining her C-section scar and pulling at the extra baby fat she has yet to lose. She is startled by his voice and quickly moves to close her robe around her, concealing herself from him.

Ben’s pulse quickens at the sight of Leslie’s body, however brief it might have been, not having seen her fully in well over two months. However, his craving for her is quickly replaced by sadness as she scrambles to cover herself, ashamed to even have him see a glimpse of her.

“What was it you wanted?” she asks impatiently as she tightens her robe, eager to move beyond what had just occurred.

“Uhm, I was, uh, just coming to remind you about the Foundation Charity Dinner next week and let you know that you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I know you have been really busy lately, and I didn’t want you to have to worry about something else,” he manages to spit out, still recovering from what he has just seen.

“Don’t be silly,” she waves him off dismissively as she brushes past him towards their bed. “This is one of your biggest events of the year, and I’ve known about it for months. Besides, we already have my mom coming over to watch the baby.”

Her argument makes sense, but Ben can tell that she is just telling him what she thinks he wants to hear.

“Okay. I just don’t want to make you feel that you have to do something that you don’t want to do.”

She turns to look at him, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Why are you so insistent? Is it that you don’t  _want_  me to go?” she says accusingly.

Ben stares at her gob smacked. “What? Of course I want you to go. Why would you even think otherwise?”

“Then why have you asked me a million times if I want to go? When have I ever objected to going to any of your charity events?”

“Well, never, but-”

She cuts him off before he is able to finish, her voice raising and her expression livid. “But you just don’t want your overly emotional whale of a wife embarrassing you in front of your biggest donors, is that it? Afraid that I will start crying uncontrollably if someone asks about my pregnancy or the baby, or is it that I need to lose those last twenty pounds to fit into my old clothes again before I am deemed good enough to walk in on your arm?” Her voice is becoming emotional now, tears starting to form in her eyes.

Ben is confused by her sudden outburst, trying to wrack his brain for anything he might have said or done to give her that impression. “No, Leslie, I don’t think tha-”

“Then what, Ben? What is it? You must have a pretty good reason to think that all of a sudden I wouldn’t want to go with you. I mean, I have only been going to these things with you for the last year and a half, despite my busy schedule. Makes perfect sense that you would all of a sudden question my desire to go,” she says sarcastically.

His mind is going a mile a minute, wondering how this turned into such an argument, and trying to think of what to say without upsetting her further, but she just looks at him, impatient and derisive.

“Well, what is it? Answer me!”

The words spill out of him before he can stop himself, her goading forcing the truth from him. “You just haven’t been yourself lately, okay? You didn’t seem as excited about it as you usually are, so I was trying to give you the opportunity to say no!”

His answer catches her off guard, the truth of his words piercing her. A part of her is grateful that he was trying to be considerate, but a larger part, the emotional, insecure part of her, is incensed that he would even have the audacity to say that to her.

Her voice drops dangerously low, and she lets out a dark laugh. “Oh, I haven’t been acting like myself lately? That’s rich, Ben. Tell me, how am I supposed to act? I didn’t realize that there was a standard protocol to follow for women who have had traumatic birthing experiences.”

He is becoming angry now, the pent up frustration that he was afraid of finally erupting out of him. “That is  _not_  what I meant, and you know it.”

“Do I? All I know is that I’m not ‘acting like myself.’” She takes a few steps towards Ben, pointing her finger at him for emphasis. “How dare you. You have no right to throw my behavior before the baby in my face. You have  _no_  idea what I’m dealing with or what I’m thinking,” she yells, her voice cracking and tears welling up in her eyes.

“You know what? You’re right,” he fires back just as loud, “I  _don’t_  have any idea what you are going through because you won’t tell me! You think I haven’t noticed how everything has affected you? You think I don’t know about the nightmares that you have all of the time, or about how you think that I blame you for what happened, the guilt that you have about Ellie’s birth?” He swallows back a sob. “That you think that I am so disgusted by you that you won’t even let me touch you? I’m not oblivious, Leslie, but what am I supposed to do if you won’t talk to me?!”

Leslie is stunned that Ben had noticed what she had tried so hard to hide. “What do you want me to say, Ben? That every time I look at Ellie, I think about what could have happened? That those dreams kill me, and I can’t shake the feeling that deep down somewhere, you must hate me? Fine! But what good is telling you going to do? I  _know_  that these thoughts aren’t rational, but they still won’t go away. There is nothing that you can possibly do to help me.”

“How can you say that?” Ben asks, stunned and hurt that she would feel this way. “We’re a team. We are supposed to deal with these things together. Remember what you said to me when I was having my own issues before Ellie was born? You said ‘We are in this together, and that means letting each other know how we feel.’ So please,” his voice goes soft and pleading, “just share with me.”

Leslie’s eyes fill with tears, this time not of anger but of remorse and regret. “I’m sorry, I just can’t”

Anger and bitterness once again rise within Ben despite his best efforts to quell them. “You can’t, or you won’t? I know you, Leslie, and you’re a prideful woman. You’d just as soon cut off your right arm before you’d admit weakness, out of some sick, twisted misconception that having weaknesses all of a sudden makes you a weak person, and in your own acts of self preservation, you push everyone who cares about you away.”

At the sight of the tears pouring out of Leslie’s eyes, a voice inside of Ben tells him to stop, to let go of his anger, but the words just keep spilling out of him. “I want more than anything to help you, to understand what you are going through, but I can’t just sit idly by anymore while you unravel in front of my eyes. You hardly sleep, I can practically see the guilt eating you alive, and how am I supposed to feel when you can barely bring yourself to be around me anymore? You aren’t the only one dealing with stuff, you know. I was there, too, remember? I held you in my arms as you bled out, I waited for what felt like an eternity to find out if the both of you were going to make it. So don’t you ever think that you are the only one dealing with things.”

“Fine,” Leslie’s says bitingly, “You want to know so badly, then I’ll tell you. I might feel guilty about what happened, and I might feel insecure about my body, but what I feel the most is anger. I am so fucking angry about everything. I’m angry that we didn’t realize something was wrong sooner, I’m angry that what should have been one of the happiest moments of my life turned out the way it did, and I’m angry that I cheated you out of watching our daughter being born,” she looks up towards him, her eyes growing darker. “I’m angry that you were the one who got to spend those first few hours with her and not me. I wanted to be the first one to hold her, to be the first person whose skin she felt, not you. Those moments when she cries and I try and try to calm her down but can’t, and you just waltz in and take her, and all of a sudden she’s fine, I hate them. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, and it kills me that I do, but I can’t help it. I hate that you have something with Ellie that I don’t,” she forces out through her tears.

Ben’s expression softens at her words, his heart breaking at her confession. “Leslie, I-”

“Don’t, just don’t,” she says angrily. “I don’t want your pity. As a matter of fact, I don’t want anything from you right now. Just, just go. I can’t do this right now.” Her shoulders sag in resignation.

“Go? Go where? I’m not leaving."

“Please, just go away. You don’t have to leave the house, but I really can’t be near you right now. Just stay downstairs or something. I’ll handle Ellie tonight. I just need you to go.” Her voice is equal parts sad and angry, but Ben knows that she is completely serious.

He gapes at her for several moments before finally responding. “Fine, if this is how you want it, then fine,” he says acidly as he takes his pillow from the bed and makes his way out of the room, slamming the door behind him. As Ben makes his way to the couch, his footsteps heavy against the stairs, Leslie crumbles onto their bed and sobs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reconciliation Fluff

Leslie wakes the following morning exhausted from tending to Ellie during the night and is greeted by a pounding headache from crying. Despite everything that had happened with Ben, Leslie immediately feels the absence of her husband beside her and a hollow feeling fills her chest.  She looks towards her window and notices an unusual amount of light streaming in given her usual wake up time. She briefly glances towards her alarm clock and is surprised to find that it was well past eight in the morning. She immediately starts to panic, worried as to why Ellie didn't wake her up for her usual six o'clock feeding time. Rushing to the nursery, Leslie is surprised to find Ellie wide awake and dressed in a clean onesie, staring fascinated at the mobile above her while sucking contentedly on the fist in her mouth. Attached to her crib is a handwritten note from Ben.

_Spending the day at the office. Ellie is fed, changed, and wearing her favorite outfit. I should be home sometime after five. Leslie, we need to talk about what happened last night. Please. No matter what was said, you need to know how much I love you and need you. You are the strongest person that I know and nothing you have to tell me will change my opinion. Call me if you need anything._

_Love,_

_Ben_

  
Leslie smiles briefly at his note, feeling tears well up in her eyes. She should have known that Ben wouldn't leave for work without seeing Ellie, and he must have gotten up early enough to take care of her. She assumes that he went straight to the office, changing into one of the spare suits he keeps there. Looking down at her daughter, Leslie notices for the first time what Ben had dressed her in: a onesie that read "If you think I'm cute, you should see my mommy" courtesy of Donna. Leslie runs her hands over her daughters belly, savoring the smile that overtakes Ellie's face.

The fight last night must have been the worst one that they have ever had. It wasn't anything like those superficial arguments they tend to have over things like what color to paint the nursery or the number of days per week it's appropriate to have waffles for dinner. This was an all out, drag out fight fueled by guilt, anger, and fear.

Leslie knows that she overreacted, she knew the second the words were out of her mouth, but the floodgates had opened and there was no turning back. Ben had caught her off guard, coming up behind her in one of her more private moments, examining and prodding herself, waves of insecurity rushing over her. She won't forget the look in his eyes as he saw her, the transition from lust, to fear, to sadness as she shied away from him, desperate to avoid his gaze.

When he asked her about the Foundation Dinner, she panicked. She knew that she didn't want to go, but had no idea that Ben had sensed that in her as well. If she was going to be honest with herself, the things she had accused him of thinking were her own reasons for not wanting to attend. She hadn't been in a large, social setting like that since the baby was born, and she honestly didn't know how she would handle it. Would people ask Ben what it was like to watch his daughter being born? Would she be forced into conversations with other mothers who were swapping birthing stories? Would her post pregnancy appearance be an embarrassment to him?

Ben is an extremely attractive man, and while he doesn't notice it, Leslie is certain that other women do. She can see the looks that women give him as he socializes at these events, looking as dapper as ever in his tuxedo, and she can hear the gossip of women in the restroom who don't realize that she is within earshot. She can also hear the negative comments about her that inevitably follow. In typical Eagletonian fashion, they comment that Leslie isn't pretty enough for him, how he deserves better than a starry eyed City Councilor and parks employee from Pawnee, how she got pregnant on purpose in order to trap him into their marriage. After the initial hurt occurs upon hearing these comments, she usually lets them roll off of her, attributing their remarks to mere jealousy and insecurity. She walks out with her head held high and finds the arm of her husband, who looks at her as if she is his greatest treasure.

Leslie couldn't bear the thought that she would overhear something that she couldn't disagree with.

So instead of being truthful with him, she automatically goes on the offensive, accusing him of such dreadful thoughts. She could see his surprise and hurt transform into anger at her accusations, upset that she took his concern for her and twisted it into a selfish act. When Ben finally confronted her on her recent behavior, she felt this mixture of fear and rage build within her. Leslie knew her comments were out of line even then, but this was her opportunity to release everything that she had been feeling over the last two months. His own biting remarks struck her deeply, going after her pride and revealing his own pains.

Looking back on it, it hurts Leslie that she and Ben had to find out about each other's feelings this way. These confessions should have come from a place of honest discussion and understanding, not anger and fear, but the damage had been done, and now they have to reconcile all that had been revealed. To be honest, Leslie still isn't sure if she's ready to do that. She sighs inwardly and determines that something needs to be done, and her first step is to confide in her best friend.

~*~*~*~

Ann stares at Leslie dumbfounded, her mind still trying to process everything that Leslie had spent the last half hour telling her. When Ann received a call from Leslie on her day off asking if she was free to come over, she was tempted to decline, not really wanting to get herself and her son changed to go out, but there was something in Leslie's voice that made Ann believe that this wasn't going to be a visit where they watched a history channel countdown of the fifteen greatest Founding Fathers. This was something big. Within a half hour, Ann was knocking on Leslie's door, her son in tow.

Ann was certainly not prepared for the emotional roller coaster that followed. For the next thirty minutes, Leslie spilled everything that had been happening to her since Ellie's birth: her feelings of fear and guilt, her nightmares, her intimacy issues with Ben, their huge fight, everything. She hardly took a breath, word after word tumbling out of her mouth in a soul cleansing confession.

Ann was shocked and somewhat upset that Leslie hadn't come to her sooner with her problems, wishing she could have done more to help her or at least notice that something was off. Ann just attributed their recent lull in communication to the fact that Leslie was a new, busy mother. Ann certainly didn't have much time to socialize when her son was born, so she figured it was the same for her best friend. Hearing these gut wrenching confessions broke Ann's heart, not only finding out what she was going through, but knowing that Leslie felt that she had to go through them alone.

When Ann finally recovers from the shock, she reaches across the table to clutch Leslie's hands in hers, wishing she could make the tears streaming down Leslie's disappear.

"First of all," Ann begins, her voice shaky, "thank you for confiding in me and trusting me to get this off of your chest. I just wish you felt like you could come to me sooner. You never have to go through something like this alone. I will always be there for you, okay?" Leslie nods her head gratefully. "Okay, good. Now, I am definitely not a psychologist, but I feel like what you are going through is perfectly normal given the circumstances. Leslie, you endured something that no woman should ever have to. There is no reason for you to be ashamed of your own feelings, and no one thinks of less of you because of them. Not me, and especially not Ben."

Leslie winces a little at the mention of her husband, still recovering from their fight.

"Leslie, Ben loves you and respects you so much, and all he wants to do is support you. Despite what you think, you don't have to live up to whatever unattainable standard you think he has built up of you in his head. You won't be disappointing him by telling him how you feel, and it doesn’t make you weak to ask for help.”

“I know,” Leslie says feebly. “Everything that you’re saying makes sense to me, but I don’t know why this is so hard.”

“I think the only place to start is for you both to be honest with each other. I mean you went through something so traumatic and you never even really talked about it. Leslie, he was a wreck that day in the hospital. At the thought of losing you, he just broke down. You’re both so concerned with upsetting the other person that you’re making it a thousand times worse.”

“I know,” Leslie groans, dropping her head into her hands. “Oh, God, the things we said to each other last night.”

“Leslie, every couple has fights and says things that they don’t mean, but what you need to do is work past it. It’s all out in the open now; there aren’t any more secrets. You just need to let each other know how you feel and work towards making it better. Leslie, let Ben encourage you when you have doubts, let him calm you when you get angry, let him hold you after a nightmare. That’s all he wants; he wants to do whatever he can to help you get better.”

“But what if I can’t get better?” Leslie's voice was barely above a whisper.

Ann nods in understanding, realizing that Leslie's biggest fear is that she will never go back to being her old self. “Leslie, this is something you can overcome. I know it is. Women deal with this everyday and so many of them do recover. It just takes time, and maybe even therapy, but you have to work on it. Holding everything inside and hoping that it all goes away someday isn’t a solution, but you know what? Even if for some reason you can’t get over this, Ben will still be there by your side to support you, but he can only do that if you let him. He doesn’t want the perfect wife that had the perfect pregnancy and in two weeks got back her perfect body. He doesn’t want someone who can get over a traumatic experience and go on with life as normal. All he wants is you, that’s it. You, and everything that comes with you.”

Leslie squeezes Ann's hands gratefully, her eyes slowly running out of tears to cry. "Thank you so much, Ann. You are a beautiful and wise Great Horned Owl, and I owe you so much."

"Anytime," Ann responds sincerely, happy to have at least somewhat helped raise her best friend's spirits. She is confident that Ben and Leslie can work through this if they try. After all, there wasn't an obstacle that she hasn't seen them overcome yet. A relationship as strong as theirs isn't something that can be lost easily.

~*~*~*~*~*

Throughout the day, Ben replays the events of his fight with Leslie and could only come to one conclusion: he’s an asshole. He can't believe that his lost control like that, lashing out at her and purposely trying to attack her where it hurt the most. He knew that Leslie was just speaking out of fear and frustration, not meaning most of what she said, but that didn't matter. Her accusations struck him to his core, beyond hurt that she would even fathom that he was capable of thinking such things. Instead of keeping his cool and trying to calm her down, he immediately retaliated, letting his own anger and frustrations consume him. He knew his tendency to bottle up his emotions would come back to bite him in the ass, two months of getting Leslie's cold shoulder leaving him feeling raw and useless.

To be truthful, he meant a lot of what he said, but he hates himself for the way in which everything was laid out in the open. He wanted his wife to confide her troubles in him, not throw them in his face as a justification for her behavior. Likewise, he wanted Leslie to know how he felt and how much he wanted to help her, but instead of being supportive, he tried to shame her into regretting her actions.

Ben knew they were in trouble when Leslie threw him out of their bedroom. In their over three years of sharing a bed, they rarely slept apart, and never out of anger. Their nights together in the beginning of their relationship were few and far between due to the nature of their relationship, but once they reunited and put their relationship out in the open, they almost never spent a night apart. Those six months in Washington were hell for Ben when it came to sleeping. He had become so accustomed to falling asleep with the feel of Leslie in his arms that it took him almost a week to get a proper night's rest. Ben thought it odd that he spent almost every night for the past decade alone at night, and in just a few months, Leslie Knope could change his sleeping pattern entirely.

Since their marriage, her time at the hospital was the longest they had gone without sharing a bed, although the last few months have almost felt just as empty. However, despite Leslie's attempts to distance herself, just the fact that Leslie was mere inches away from him was a comfort, a comfort he had taken for granted until last night.

Ben had the worst night's sleep in his recent history, the distant, muffled sounds of Leslie's sobs drifting down the stairs to pummel his ears. Knowing that he had any part in those cries pierced his heart, and he punched his pillow several times out of frustration and anger.

He woke throughout the night to every single one of Ellie's cries, his instinct to tend to her spurring him to action until he would remember Leslie's very serious demand. It pained Ben that Leslie was taking everything on herself, like she always did, because she felt like she had something to prove. The fact that she was jealous of his first moments with Ellie after her birth floored him. He hadn't realized until that moment just how much Leslie regretted missing out on the first hours of their daughter's life.

After a dismal night's sleep, Ben decided to get up earlier than normal, wanting to get to the office as soon as possible to clean himself up and change. As he looked at the time on his cell phone, he realized that he could feed and change Ellie before her cries would wake her mother. After heating up Ellie's bottle in the kitchen, Ben snuck up the stairs to his daughter's room, the faint rays from the rising sun spilling through the windows. Thankfully, his daughter was wide awake, waving her arms and kicking her feet for no apparent reason.

"Hey, Ellie-Belly," Ben whispered lovingly as he hoisted his daughter up from her crib. "I missed you tonight. I hope you didn't give your mommy a hard time," he told her as he rocked her against his chest and places a tender kiss on her soft skin. Moving her to the crook of his arm, Ben placed the bottle in Ellie's mouth, and she greedily drank her morning meal.

Staring down a his daughter, Ben was once again overcome with so much emotion over the events that had transpired the night before, wondering how so much negativity could come from the birth of the perfect little bundle in his arms. With each day, Ellie grew more and more beautiful, the spitting image of her mother right down to her blond curls and baby blue eyes.

Once Ellie finished and Ben burped and changed her, he rummaged through her drawers of clothes to find a clean onsie to put her in. He finds one of the many outfits that Donna had given them, this particular one his favorite out of them all.

"I think mommy would like this one on you. What do you think?" he asked her as he blew raspberries on her exposed tummy, relishing in the smiles that crossed Ellie's face.

After changing Ellie into her clean clothes, Ben placed several more kisses on his daughter's head before placing her back into her crib. Grabbing a piece of paper from his home office, he quickly scribbled Leslie a note explaining their need to talk about what had happened. For the rest of the day, their fight and the upcoming conversation is all Ben can focus on.

As he pulls into their driveway at the end of the day, he notices Ann’s car, glad that his wife had chosen to confide in someone, but scared that he would have to face the wrath of a vengeful Ann upon entering his home. Ann is a fiercely devoted friend, and after his behavior last night, Ben expects nothing less than to have his ass handed to him when he walks through his front door. He mentally prepares himself before entering, ready to take whatever verbal lashing he deserves, walking inside to find Leslie and Ann seated at his dining room table. He wears a small, apologetic smile as he cautiously makes his way towards them, and instead of the look of disappointment or anger that he had expected, Ann is looking up at him with an encouraging smile of her own. Leslie quickly wipes away the remnants of whatever tears he most likely caused, and looks up at him briefly, unable to fully meet his gaze.

“Well, it is definitely time for me to go,” Ann says as she lifts herself from her seat.

“Please, don’t feel that you need to leave on my account. You are more than welcome to stay as long as you want,” Ben says quickly, not wanting to interrupt whatever moment she and his wife are having.

“No, it’s okay. I think we’re good, right?” she says encouragingly to Leslie has she quickly squeezes Leslie’s hand in hers.

“Yeah,” Leslie replies confidently with a small smile, “we’re good.”

Leslie follows Ann upstairs as she goes to collect her son, and Ben stands rooted in his spot, hands buried deep in his pockets as he exhales a loud sigh. They were really going to do this. They were going to lay everything out on the table and move to work through whatever was bothering them. He has wanted to do this for months, but now that the time is approaching, he’s scared shitless.

The pair make their way back downstairs, each with a child in tow, and a smile forms on Ben’s lips automatically at the sight of his wife and daughter. Ben follows Ann and Leslie to the door, standing somewhat awkwardly as they say their goodbyes.

“Thank you so much for everything,” Leslie whispers in Ann’s ear.

“Anytime. You know that,” she says as she embraces her friend as best as she can with her son in her arms.

Ben is taken aback when instead of the small, verbal goodbye he was expecting, Ann comes towards him and engulfs Ben in a small hug as well, which he quickly returns.

“Take good care of her,” she tells him encouragingly as she lets him go.

“I will,” Ben promises, glad that his wife has someone like her to confide in.

They all wave their final goodbyes and Ben shuts the door as Ann pulls away in her car. He slowly turns around to look at Leslie fully for the first time since their fight, unsure of what to expect, and his uncertainty is evident in his face. Leslie is slowly rocking their recently awake daughter against her, patting her back in a soothing, maternal fashion. She looks somewhat guarded and uncomfortable, but she meets Ben’s eyes and allows a brief, but genuine smile to grace her lips. Ben responds with a heartfelt grin of his own, but remains frozen in place. After his note from this morning, the ball is in her court, and they both know it.

She slowly walks forward and passes Ellie to him, Ben's face lighting up as Leslie places his daughter in his arms.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he coos softly has he holds her to him, placing a gentle kiss on her head. “I missed you,” he says to her, but his eye catches Leslie’s, the both of them knowing he directed that to not just their daughter.

They stand unmoving for a time, the tension evident, and the silence growing mildly uncomfortable. Just as Ben opens his mouth to speak, Leslie places a tender finger to his lips, stilling him.

“We are going to talk, I promise,” she says to him, her thumb gently caressing the stubble on his cheek that he was unable to shave off this morning, “just not right now. I need a few moments to process everything and to gather my thoughts. Tonight, after we put Ellie to bed, okay?” she asks tentatively, her eyes uncertain and pleading.

“Okay,” he says softly, feeling the move of her hand against his cheek as he slowly nods his head. Then in a completely unexpected move, Leslie steps towards him and places a soft, gentle kiss to his lips which Ben returns eagerly. Leslie breaks the kiss and encircles her arms around Ben’s middle, pressing herself against him and burying her face in his chest. He holds her to him with his free arm, his heart breaking at the feeling of her hot, quiet tears soaking his dress shirt. They stand that way for several minutes, Ben’s fingers making small, comforting circles on Leslie’s back.

“We’ll get through this, okay?” he tells her quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “Whatever it takes, we’ll get through this.”

He feels her nod against his chest and slowly pull away, wiping her hands across her cheeks. “I know we will,” she says resolutely and Ben’s heart immediately lightens.

“I’m so sorry,” Ben begins to say, but Leslie shakes her head.

“Not now. Tonight, I promise,” she whispers and Ben complies. “Now, I don’t know about you,” she says in a light tone, “but I am in the mood for waffles for dinner.”

Ben lets out his first genuine laugh in what feels like days. “You know,” he responds with a smile, “me too.”

Just then, Ellie starts to fuss in his arms. “I think someone else is ready for her dinner, too,” Ben says to Ellie, raising the pitch of his voice slightly, and he places her into Leslie’s waiting arms.

“I’ll go run by JJ’s while you feed her, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Leslie responds with a quick curve of her lips, and she makes her way past him to go to the nursery.

Ben quickly catches her hand and turns her back to him. “I love you,” he tells her, searching her eyes; his own a mixture of love and uncertainty.

“I know,” she responds genuinely, the smile on her face reaching her eyes for the first time today, “me too.”

Ben lets out a shaky breath that he didn’t realize he had been holding and allows a grin to consume his face. “Alright, uhm, I’m just gonna run out and get dinner, and then I’ll be right back.”

Leslie can’t help the smile that overtakes her at her husband’s delighted and slightly awkward appearance. He leans towards her tentatively to brush a kiss against her lips, which she quickly returns, much to Ben’s pleasure. He pulls away and rests his forehead against hers, lightly caressing her cheek with the back of his hand. As if to remind them again of her presence, Ellie starts to cry in Leslie’s arms. They pull away from each other, smiling at their daughter’s antics.

“Sorry about that, Ellie-Belly,” Ben says to her softly as he places a soft kiss on her head. “I forgot, no one comes between a Knope woman and her food.”

Leslie lets out a small chuckle as she lightly swats him with her hand. “Damn right,” she says with a firm nod. “Now, I’ll take care of this Knope woman, and you go get me some waffles.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Ben smiles as he makes his way towards the door, his heart feeling lighter than it has all day. They can work through this, he was certain of it. No matter what needed to be done, they were going to make it work.

~*~*~*~*~

The couple have a comfortable dinner, and after putting their daughter to sleep, they make their way to their room and sit themselves next to each other on the edge of the bed. Neither one is sure how to start, the silence growing more uncomfortable by the second. Finally, Ben decides to make the first move.

"First of all, I just want you to know how sorry I am about last night. I had no right to react the way that I did and go after you like that. I let my anger get the best of me, and I hurt you. I meant a lot of what I said, I do want you to talk to me, and I do want to help you, but it never should have come out the way that it did."

"No, Ben, I'm the one that should be sorry. I let my insecurities cloud my judgment, and then I just snapped. I pushed and I pushed until you told me the truth, and I couldn't handle it. I honestly think I still can't," Leslie finishes, her voice barely above a whisper as silent tears trace a path down her cheeks. Ben's heart breaks for his wife, and he tentatively moves closer, eventually pulling her into a tight hug. Leslie buries her face in his shirt, all of the tears that she has been holding back now flow freely. Ben rests his lips against her hair, and runs a comforting hand down her back.

"I'm so scared Ben. I don't know what to do," she cries, her voice muffled by his chest.

"I know, babe, I know. It's okay," he soothes.

When Leslie eventual settles down, she pulls back and wipes her face with the back of her hand.

"I might not be ready, but I know I have to just lay it all out. You deserve to know everything because this affects you just as much as it affects me. Ann made me realize that."

"She's right. God, it kills me to see you like this, Leslie. All I want to do is help you, but I feel so powerless."

"I know, and I'm so sorry," she whispers sadly, her eyes lowered in embarrassment.

"No, Leslie, I don't want an apology. You shouldn't have to apologize for how this is affecting you. All I want is for you to let me in. I want you to be able to share this burden with me, let me know what you're feeling so I can help, even if it's something as simple as an encouraging word. I want to hold you after a nightmare, I want to tell you how wonderful and beautiful you are no matter what you may think."

Ben closes his eyes as he takes a calming breath, forcing his tears to stay away. "I miss you, Leslie. We have spent more time together in these last few months than ever before, but I miss you so much.

"I know," Leslie says despondently, "me too. I love you so much, Ben," she manages to choke out between tears.

"God, I love you, too. More than anything." Ben pauses slightly before posing his next question. "Why are you so afraid to talk to me?"

"Because I'm not used to this, okay? I'm not used to all of this guilt and anger always running through my mind. I've never been so insecure about myself in my life. I'm afraid that if I tell you, you would think that I'm weak or crazy. I'm not the Leslie Knope that you fell in love with, and that scares me."

"You're right. You're not the same Leslie Knope that I fell in love with, but I'm not the same Ben Wyatt that you fell in love with either. Leslie, that's what happens. People are constantly changing, growing, and learning. Just look at all of the different experiences that we have had since we've been together. You got your dream job and became a city councilwoman, I ran a campaign in Washington, we got married, you built your park, we have a beautiful baby girl. No one can go through all of these things and remain the same, but what hasn't changed is that I still fall more and more in love with you every day." He reaches towards her and cups her cheek in his hand, his thumb slowly caressing her face.

"These doubts and feelings that you have don't make you weak, they make you human. Sometimes I think even you forget that you're not invincible. You carry the weight of the world your shoulders when you don't have to. That's why I'm here, to help you carry that burden. When I look at you and Ellie, I don't blame you for what happened; I think about how grateful and lucky I am to have both of you with me when I thought I would never see either of you again."

His voice begins to strain as his emotions start to overtake him. "When I see you feeling guilty, it hurts me that you feel such pain over something that was out of your control. When you have these nightmares, all I want to do is hold you in my arms and tell you that none of it's true. Our daughter is happy and healthy, and I could never feel the way the Ben in your dreams feels. He isn't me, Les," he emphasizes.

"And when I see you so insecure, God, it just kills me that you can't see yourself the way that I do. Your body is a testament of your journey to motherhood. Those "extra pounds" that haunt you, I honestly don't even notice, but if you do try hard to lose them, make sure that you're doing it for you, not for me. The only person that you have to please with your body is yourself. You will always be beautiful to me."

Ben's hand slowly drifts down Leslie's frame until it is lightly hovering over her abdomen. "And your scar," he says as he swallows hard, desperate to keep his voice steady, "your scar represents everything that you went through to bring our daughter safely into this world. It isn't some hideous deformity; it's the reason that I still have the most amazing wife and beautiful daughter any man could hope for. Every time that I think about it," he looks up at her cautiously, "or any time that I might see it, I'll be reminded once again that I am the luckiest bastard on this earth."

Leslie is now crying openly at her husband's words, her face downcast as she tries to absorb everything that has just been exposed. "Deep down, I know everything that you're saying is true, I have known since the beginning, but I just can't believe it, and I don't know why. Why can't I just go back to normal?" she cries and Ben pulls her tightly against him, allowing her tears to soak his shirt as he whispers comforting words into her ear.

"Leslie, this is going to take time. I didn't expect for you to miraculously get better just because I told you how I felt. When I was dealing with my own issues about fatherhood, I didn't completely get over it after that night, but just knowing how you felt and having your support made me feel better. Whenever I started to panic, a few comforting words from you were all I needed to pick myself back up. I want to try and do that for you. I want those feelings to go away, but if all I can do is give you an encouraging word when you're feeling guilty or depressed or angry, then I will. Anything to make what you are going through easier."

Ben chooses his next words carefully, not wanting to offend her or push her too far. "And if after a while things don't seem to be getting better, I will support you 100% if you decide to talk to a professional about this. I'll go with you to every appointment, even if it's just to sit in the waiting room, and I'll do every trust building, self-esteem enhancing exercise your therapist gives you. Whatever you need me to do to help you get to where you want to be. Never be ashamed to ask for help, because someone very wise and very strong is always telling me that no one achieves anything alone. This is one of those times."

Leslie remains silent in his arms, her sniffles the only sounds filling the room. After a few moments, she lifts her head to look at Ben, her eyes red, but containing the hints of a small smile. "You know, Ann said pretty much the same thing to me."

Ben allows a smile of his own to grace his lips as he replies. "Well, Ann is a very wise woman."

Leslie lightly nods her head in agreement. "She's the wisest, most beautiful female specimen ever created."

"Well," Ben draws out in a slightly disagreeing tone, "I would say she is a close second, but we can agree to disagree on that point," he finishes with a smirk, the small laugh that his wife emits is music to his ears.

Leslie's laugh quickly fades, however, and her face turns somber. "I'm sorry about all of the horrible things I said to you. I might be angry about a lot of things, but I could never hate you for what you have with Ellie. If I wasn't able to be there for her right after she was born, I am so glad that it was you who took my place. No one but you loves her like I do, and you deserved those moments with her. Whenever I get insecure, I lump all of that into the category of things that make me a terrible parent. The fact that you are an amazing father doesn't mean that I'm a bad mother. I realize that, I just need some help believing it," she confesses as she shies away from his gaze, embarrassed by her confession.

"Hey," Ben says softly as he gently tucks is fingers under her chin, raising her eyes to meet his. "You are a wonderful mother, and I will tell you every single day for the rest of our lives that fact if you need me to. I was so angry at everything, too, still am truthfully, but I realized that holding onto that anger won't help any of us. We can't change what happened and cursing the universe until the day we die for its injustices won't solve anything. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."

Leslie looks up at him oddly, her eyes widening in disbelief as recognition dawns on her. "Did you seriously just quote Yoda right now?" she asks incredulously, the hint of a smile playing on her lips.

Ben shrugs guiltily, "Okay, so I might have. I mean it was one of the very few decent pieces of dialogue in that whole Phantom Menace movie. I mean seriously, what was Lucas thinking?" Ben responds his voice slightly raising in frustration.

"Okay, we get it," Leslie cuts him off before he goes on the inevitable tangent that occurs each time that film is mentioned, "that was a horrible film that almost ruined the franchise, but Yoda did have some valuable nuggets of wisdom. Nerd," she finishes, a full-fledged grin lighting up her face, and Ben wonders how the woman before him can be so red and puffy from crying, but still remain the single most radiant and beautiful creature that he has ever laid his eyes on.

Unable to restrain himself, Ben leans towards her and captures her soft lips with his, trying to pour out every positive emotion that he possibly can into their kiss. Leslie eagerly returns the gesture, trying to communicate her own feelings of love and gratitude. When they pause for air, Ben rests his forehead against hers, drinking in this new feeling of closeness.

"You okay?" he asks her gently.

"Not completely," she answers truthfully, "but I will be. I do feel better than I have in weeks. You were right, just getting everything off of my chest makes my heart feel so much lighter. I missed you, too, so much," she says before leaning in for another kiss, this time intensifying it by pressing her tongue against Ben's lips, which he gladly parts to allow her entry. Leslie grabs Ben's shirt, pulling him as close to her as she can. Their hands start to wander, but just before things progress too far, Leslie gently places her hand on Ben's chest and pushes lightly against him, their lips parting with an audible smack.

There is another look of pain and guilt in Leslie's eyes that stabs at Ben's heart, his eyes looking at her questioningly. "I'm sorry," she whispers. "I feel better, I really do, but I'm just not ready yet. I'm so sorry," she sobs and Ben immediately captures her in a fierce embrace.

"Hey, it's okay. Please, don't cry, it's alright, really. You never have to apologize to me for this. I'm not going to force you into "performing your wifely duties" or anything you aren't ready for, okay?  I mean, I'm not gonna lie and say I don't miss having sex with you, but what I want the most is for you to trust me and feel safe with me again, to know how much I want you and love you. Intimacy is so much more than sex, Leslie. I feel closer to you even on nights when I just have you in my arms than I have ever felt with any of the other women that I've slept with. I will wait as long as it takes, okay? All I ask is for you to trust me and confide in me. The rest will happen in its own time."

Leslie slowly nods her head, her eyes that were once filled with fear and guilt are now consumed with love and gratitude.

"Thank you. You are the most amazing husband ever."

"The Ann Perkins of husbands?" Ben asks jokingly.

This pulls a genuine laugh out of Leslie as she shakes her head in agreement. "Yes, you are most definitely the Ann Perkins of husbands. Never doubt that."

"And you are the Leslie Knope of wives," he responds genuinely. At Leslie's questioning gaze, he clarifies. "Well, we all have our own standard of perfection, don't we?" he says with a flirtatious grin.

Leslie shakes her head in a failed attempt of admonition. "You are so sickeningly charming and cheesy. Do you realize that?"

"Stop it, you know you love it," he says cheekily, the arms encircling her waist squeezing just a bit tighter.

"I do, " she responds almost reluctantly. "So help me, I do. You have turned me into a sap, Ben Wyatt," she smiles as she jabs her finger into his chest.

"Ow," he feigns pain at her actions, the smile not being wiped away from his face. He brushes another soft kiss against his wife's lips and tucks a few loose strands of her hair behind her ear. "It's getting really late, and I want to at least get a few hours of sleep before Ellie's midnight feeding. You ready for bed?"

"Yeah, reconciliations are exhausting," she manages to say before a yawn overtakes her. They slowly extract themselves from each other's embrace and climb into bed. As Ben settles in, he feels his wife's arms encircle his waist, pressing herself against him to rest her head beneath his shoulder.

"Is this okay?" she asks tentatively, both of them aware that this is the closest they have consciously slept in quite some time.

Ben responds by wrapping his own arms around her, pulling Leslie even closer to him and dropping a kiss on her forehead. "This is more than okay. This is perfect."

The sound of each other's breathing eventually lulls them to sleep, their only disturbances throughout the night are Ellie's insistent cries every few hours. The following morning Ben awakens with his wife still in his arms, a feeling he had almost forgotten in these past several weeks. As he inhales the scent of her fragrant shampoo, his heart bursting with love and joy, he thinks upon their situation. He knows things won't turn around overnight; he never expected them to. But as he feels his wife stir in his embrace, her grip unconsciously pulling herself closer to him, Ben knows that everything is going to turn out alright.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reconciliation Smut

Leslie stares at her reflection in the mirror, her hands gently smoothing the fabric of her dress. After her and Ben's fight and subsequent reconciliation last week, Leslie has felt like a new person. Obviously, she is still struggling on a regular basis with her issues of guilt and insecurity, but like Ben had said, just having someone around to confide in and encourage you makes such a difference.

Leslie decided that she wanted to venture back out into the social scene, choosing to accompany Ben to the Sweetum's Foundation Charity Dinner. She hasn't been this nervous about a social gathering in years, the constant voice of doubt in the back of her head trying to convince her to stay home, but she pushes back those desires as she makes the finishing touches to her hair and makeup.

As she walks out of the bathroom towards her jewelry armoire, Leslie sees Ben making the final adjustments to his bow tie. After putting on her earrings and bracelet, Leslie quietly walks over to Ben and asks if he will help her with the clasp of her necklace. Ben turns around and lays eyes on his wife for the first time that evening.  
Before he has a chance to control it, a look of pure lust crosses Ben's eyes, the sight of her in the red dress that hugs all of her curves perfectly is almost too much for him to handle. Leslie inwardly smiles a triumphant smirk, her appearance having the desired effect on her husband. Even after their talk, she and Ben have yet to have sex, Leslie wanting their first time to somehow be special.

Ever the planner, she decides that tonight, after their first public appearance since Ellie was born, will be the perfect opportunity. Earlier that week, she and Ann went shopping and picked out several new pieces of lingerie that perfectly flatter Leslie's new figure. Ellie was beginning to sleep for longer stretches of time, and if Leslie timed everything right, which she normally did, they would be able to have a perfect reunion without any interruptions.

Ben is quickly able to control himself as he makes his way towards her, clasping the necklace with his nimble fingers, and then leans forward to place a sensual kiss at the base of Leslie's neck that causes shivers to run down her spine.

"You look gorgeous, Leslie," Ben whispers huskily into her ear, placing another open mouthed kiss against her neck. "When we walk into that room tonight, everyone is going to be wondering what the hell I did to deserve you, and to be honest, I have no idea."

"Well, you knocked me up, so that's one," she replies teasingly, a playful smirk playing across her face.

"So crass," he admonishes with his own mischievous smile. "Here I thought a married a refined lady with manners."

"Shut up, you know you like it."

"You're right, I do. I fucking love it."

Leslie laughs audibly at his statement, shoving him playfully. "Oh,  _I'm_ the crass one? Do you kiss your daughter with that mouth?"

"Every damn day," he begins to say, any other retort cut short by the ringing of the doorbell.

"That would be my mom. Will you let her in while I put my shoes on?"

"Of course," Ben answers before placing a quick kiss to Leslie's red-stained lips and making his way downstairs. Leslie quickly gives herself another once over, smoothing out invisible lines in her dress. Inhaling deeply, she mentally prepares herself for the night, drawing on Ben's support as her main source of confidence. Grabbing her purse, Leslie goes to follow Ben downstairs, their night only just beginning.

~*~*~*~*~

Upon arriving at the event, Leslie and Ben exchange pleasantries with some of the Foundation's biggest donors, everyone commenting on how wonderful Leslie looks. For the first portion of the night, Ben rarely leaves Leslie's side, keenly aware of her initial discomfort. However, as the night progresses, Leslie becomes more confident and feels a glimmer of her old self race through her as she socializes throughout the crowd. She can feel Ben's gaze burning through her wherever she goes, both entranced by her and keeping an eye out for any signs of trouble. As if he has a sixth sense, he always manages to find his way to her whenever she begins to feel uncomfortable, his arm wrapping protectively and reassuringly around her waist.  
  
As she talks about Ellie or her newest parks project, Leslie realizes how foolish her initial insecurities were. While she might be struggling with her own issues on the inside, to those around her, nothing has changed. She is still Councilwoman Knope, creator of parks and defender of the everyman. She talks with a group of other new mothers, and she finds herself laughing as they exchange awkward feeding and changing stories. No one makes her feel inferior, and by the way Ben stares at her from across the room, she feels like the most desirable woman on the planet.

They manage to have a record turnout, raising several thousand dollars more than their original goal. Near the end of the night, Ben addresses the crowd to deliver the closing remarks.  
  
"First of all, I would like to thank all of you for attending this evening and helping us raise more than our goal for the Sweetum's Foundation. Your donations have kept this charity running, and since its start almost two years ago, we have helped hundreds of people in need in our community. On behalf of the Foundation, I would like to that each and every one of you who have been faithful to attend these events and donate towards some wonderful causes. I would also like to thank all of our workers and volunteers who keep the Foundation running, especially my right hand man, Andy Dwyer," Ben pauses as the crowd applauses, Andy smiling widely and waving as April hides herself behind him at the attention, the look of pride towards her husband clearly evident nonetheless.

"Of course, I would like to extend my gratitude to the Newport Family and Sweetum's for instituting this wonderful charity and for giving me the opportunity to do something that I love." Taking a deep breath, Ben searches the crowd and finds Leslie eye.

"Last, but certainly not least, I would like to say a special thank you to my wonderful wife, Leslie Knope, who has recently given me the greatest gift I could have ever asked for: our beautiful daughter, Eleanor. I know for a fact that I would not be standing here today had it not been for Leslie, who made me realize what a wonderful and special place Pawnee really is. I have been able to come this far because of her love and support, and now as a father, I have a new appreciation for the work that we do here at the Sweetum's Foundation. I want to do my part to make sure that I am leaving behind a better world for my daughter to grow up in, and because of your help, I believe that is possible. So, as always, thank you for your support and enjoy the rest of your evening."

The crowd erupts with thunderous applause as Ben makes his way from the podium towards his wife, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Thank you. That was beautiful. I'm so proud of you," Leslie says as she pulls him into a loving embrace.

"No, thank  _you_. I meant every word. I really do owe you so much," he whispers into her hair, pressing a soft kiss to her blond curls. The couple stand holding each other close for several moments before Ben leans down to whisper in Leslie's ear. "Well, I made my speech, so my work here is done. You want to head out early?"

Leslie pulls away from him to meet his eyes. "Yes, definitely. Let's go home," Leslie says eagerly, her body and mind tingling at the thought of what awaits them.

Upon saying goodbye to Marlene and checking on a soundly sleeping Ellie, Ben and Leslie make their way to the bedroom. Ben sits on the edge of the bed and begins to loosen his tie and unlace his shoes before collapsing backwards, reclining on the mattress with his hands laced behind his head.

"I'm going to run and use the bathroom first, is that okay?" Leslie asks, attempting to sound nonchalant.

Without sitting up, Ben voices no objections. "That's fine. I'm in no rush, so take your time."

Closing the door behind her, Leslie quickly undresses and slips into the slightly sheer red and black negligee that she and Ann had picked out. Since she was still breastfeeding, Leslie's breasts are still large and full, the padding in the bra providing a subtle and attractive line of cleavage. The fit of the lingerie was tight in all of the right places, her scar, however, was hidden beneath a layer of cloth. While she believed that Ben was sincere about his views regarding her C-section scar, she wasn't quite ready for it to be a focal point in her first attempt at seduction since their daughter's birth.

Making some last minute adjustments to her hair and lingerie, Leslie takes a deep, calming breath before turning to reenter the bedroom. As she opens the bathroom door, she sees that Ben is still laying down, his eyes closed in relaxation.  
  
"You aren't asleep are you?" Leslie asks somewhat worried. The last thing she needs is for Ben to fall asleep before their night even begins.

Thankfully, Ben responds immediately, his voice not containing any traces of sleep. "No, just laying and thinking. You done?" he asks, starting to sit up.

Ben freezes the second he sees his wife standing before him, somewhat shy and reserved, but clothed in a beautiful red and black negligee. His mind literally short circuits, all thought halted as the blood rushes from his brain to another part of his anatomy.

Leslie starts to fidget nervously at his gaping stare, feeling somewhat uncomfortable at his scrutiny, his eyes raking up and down her voluptuous figure. "Ben?" she questions nervously, unsure of what to make of his silence.

At the sounds of her voice, Ben's eyes halt their inspection of Leslie's body and lock onto her own eyes. Any doubts that she might have had are quickly driven away at the look of pure love and desire in her husband's eyes. "Is this okay?" she asks shyly, slowly walking towards him as he sits unmoving on the edge of their bed.

Ben watches her as she approaches him, slowly shaking his head. "Y-yes," he chokes out before clearing his throat, "this is more than okay. God, you're so gorgeous."

Leslie briefly lowers her head with an embarrassed smile, stopping to stand between Ben's legs as he sits.

Unable to contain himself any longer, Ben lifts his hands and begins to gently run them up and down her body, caressing her abdomen with gentle and insistent fingers. Looking up at her, his eyes are lustful yet hesitant.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asks her softly, not wanting her to act out of any sense of obligation.

"I'm positive. I've been planning this since last week. I wanted our first night together again to be special, so I figured what better time than tonight."

Ben marvels at the amount of thought and care that she puts into everything she does, and he quickly stands himself up, pulling Leslie into a searing kiss, his hands immediately taking their usual place tangled in her soft curls. The kiss quickly deepens, Leslie's tongue pressing against Ben's lips demanding entrance. As their tongues caress one another, Ben's hands travel up the length of his wife's body, truly mapping out her curves for the first time since Ellie was born.

His fingers lightly rub small circles on Leslie's exposed thighs before resting on the curve of her ass. He cups her in his hands, kneading and squeezing her as he pulls her closer to him. Continuing their journey, Ben's hands trail up and down her abdomen before settling on her breasts, practically spilling out of the cups of the negligee.

He rubs her nipples through the thin fabric, causing her to throw her head back and moan audibly. Ben wastes no time in taking advantage of Leslie's absent lips, attaching is own mouth to her neck. As Ben licks, nips, and sucks on her intoxicating flesh, Leslie runs her hands through Ben's hair, causing it to stand up in all directions. Her nails scratch lightly against his scalp as she attempts to pull his mouth even closer to her, unable to control the small sighs and gasps that escape her at the sensations.

Ben's lips travels even further south, placing hot, open mouthed kisses across Leslie's chest before reaching their final destination: the swell of her breasts. Growing impatient, Leslie pulls Ben's lips up from her chest and back to her lips, their tongues wrestling once more as her hips starting to grind against his now hard erection straining against his dress pants.  
  
"Why are you still wearing so much clothing," she says frustrated against his lips.

"I don't know, but I bet there is something you can do about that," he retorts, a cocky smirk playing on his lips.

"God, you can be such an ass," Leslie fires back with faux indignation as her hands quickly work on the buttons of his dress shirt until she removes it from him and throws it forcefully across the room. As Leslie's fingers trail down to his belt, Ben swiftly pulls his undershirt over his head, revealing is thin but muscular chest. Once Leslie unbuckles his belt and unzips his pants, she sensually pulls them down Ben's legs, reveling in the sharp gasp coming from Ben as the fabric brushes against his cock.

As soon as he steps out of his slacks, Ben roughly pulls Leslie back up to him, attacking her lips once more as his hands drift down to cup her ass. Without breaking their kiss, he lifts Leslie up from the ground, her legs immediately wrapping around his waist so that his boxer clad erection is pressing dangerously close to her center. Even through her underwear, Ben can feel the heat radiating from her, and he twitches against her.

Turning them around, Ben gently places Leslie in the center of their bed, his body completely covering his wife's petite frame. He trails searing  kisses across Leslie's face and neck, his hand sneaking beneath the negligee top, desperate to come into contact with the bare flesh of her stomach. His fingers rub small circles up and down her ribcage, silently proud of the goose bumps he feels forming beneath his hand. His kisses become even more desperate, the need for her intensifying with every second that passes.  
  
It has been well over two months since he has been like this with his wife. Months since his mouth left bruises on her, since he made her writhe with pleasure beneath him, since he felt her milking him for all he was worth. The anticipation is killing him and in a fit of impatience, he pulls Leslie's top over her head, revealing almost her entire body to him.

Ben leans back on his knees to stare down at Leslie's body, a body that he has never truly seen before, completely exposed to him save for the small piece of lace that covers her center. His eyes trail down her form, memorizing her new, fuller curves. His gaze stops at her scar, and for the first time, he is able to see the physical reminder of their daughter's miraculous birth.

He can hear Leslie's breathing increase and feel her tense beneath him, obviously concerned that his silence is a negative reaction to her appearance. She shyly tries to move her hands to her lower abdomen in an attempt to obscure Ben's view, but he immediately grabs both of her hands in his and raises them above her head, hovering over her once more.

"You are so gorgeous," he whispers dangerously low in her ear before moving his mouth to her favorite spot on her neck. Eager to not waste any time, Ben's lips begin their journey over every inch of Leslie's body. His mouth attaches to one of her breasts, and she audibly gasps at the contact, her erotic moans causing his hips to instinctually buck against hers. As he gradually increases the pressure on her breast, Leslie let's out another gasp, but his time not of pleasure, causing Ben to immediately jerk his head up.

"Sorry," Leslie says quickly, "I pumped not too long ago, but they are still pretty sensitive."

Ben nods his head in understanding, thankful that he hadn't caused her any real pain. He moves his attention to the other breast, licking and sucking the way he knows that she likes, listening to her moans and gasps as a sign of how far to go before it becomes painful. After lavishing each breast with an incredible amount of attention, Ben runs his tongue down her front, lightly circling her bellybutton.

"I love you so much, Leslie," she feels him breathe against her skin. "Every. Inch. Of. You." He punctuates each word with a kiss to a different section of her stomach. Going even further south, he leans back slightly in order to get another view of Leslie's scar. He trails a feather like touch over it, tracing the fading line that has caused so much damage over the past months. Hooking is thumbs under the waistband of Leslie's lacey underwear, Ben slowly lowers the piece of cloth down the length of her legs, finally revealing Leslie in all of her glory, dripping in anticipation for him.

He lowers himself to her, trailing his tongue over the faint line of Leslie's scar before his nose eventually brushes against the soft, blond curls of her center, inhaling the scent that he craved for almost three torturous months.

"Ben," he hears Leslie's soft voice call out, "you don't have to..." she trails off, slightly embarrassed to tell Ben that he shouldn't feel obligated to pleasure her with his mouth. Even after all of this time, Leslie still can't wrap her mind around the fact that Ben loves going down on her, the smell of her and the feel of her against his tongue intoxicating to him.  
  
At her words, Ben lifts himself so that he is once again hovering over her, his eyes boring into hers.

"Jesus, Les, I have been dreaming about going down on you non-stop for over twelve weeks. Every time I would jerk off in the shower, I'd imagine your smell, the way you taste, the different sounds that you make as I fuck you with my tongue. I don't just have to, I  _need_ to."

Leslie nods almost imperceptibly as she feels a rush of wetness between her legs at her husband's language, but their almost three months apart have made him desperate, beyond eager to experience her in every way that he can.  He once again trails kisses down the length of her body, pausing to nuzzle the curls at the apex of her thighs before placing soft, teasing kisses on the inside of either leg.

Her moans are becoming frustrated, eager to feel him inside of her. Ben places a gentle kiss on her clit before taking one long lick of her dripping center, lapping her up like an ice cream cone.  Leslie's hands immediately grip his hair, pulling him to her as her hips buck against his mouth, unable to stop the loud moan that escapes her.

"Oh, fuck, Ben," she cries out uncontrollably, having forgotten just how amazing Ben could make her feel with only a simple action. He continues to drink her in, spreading her wetness with his tongue and running teasing circles around her clit until she is begging him for more.

"Please, Ben," she whimpers as she pulls against his hair, desperate to feel more of him inside of her, to make her come with his tongue and fingers.

But Ben is enjoying himself, wanting to continue his game of making her talk to him, tell him in graphic detail everything that she wants him to do to her. She had gone through so much to make tonight special, and he was going to make damn sure he did his part to make this as memorable as possible for her, too.

"Please, what, Leslie?," Ben teases. "Tell me what you want, babe."

Leslie lets out another growl of frustration. "You know what I want," Leslie whines, slightly embarrassed. Not that Leslie is a prude by any means. She knows how to take control in the bedroom, going after what she wants and needs to get herself off, but that's when it comes to actual sex, when both she and her partner are joined and eager to find release. Ben has been the only lover who has been so attentive to her needs first.  
  
Of course, Ben wasn't the first man to go down on her, but he was the first to make it beyond enjoyable. Her past experiences had been generally uncomfortable and easily forgettable, guys licking and poking at her awkwardly out of some odd sense of obligation. She never requested it, and she certainly had never directed Ben before, instead allowing him to gauge her level of pleasure by her sighs and moans.

"No, Leslie," he says somewhat forcefully, his voice dripping with lust, "I want you to tell me. Tell me what you want me to do to you, how you want me to make you feel."  
  
At this point, Leslie props herself up on her elbows, the sight of her husband's face between her legs sending another wave of want and desire through every inch of her. Ben is mesmerized by her, her full breasts bouncing with every heaving breath that she takes.  Locking eyes with his, Leslie's voice becomes strong and demanding, the look of pure yearning in Ben's eyes restoring any confidence that she might have lost.

"I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck me with your fingers; to make me come with your tongue. I need you to make me remember what I've been missing all of these months so that I never want to be apart from you again."

"Jesus Christ, Leslie," he whispers against her, the strength and forcefulness of her words sending a surge down his cock. He immediately returns his tongue to her opening, gently circling around her before flicking quickly across her clit, eliciting a sharp gasp of pleasure from her as she falls back against the mattress, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. He flattens his tongue and drags it across her, barely entering her before he continues to lap up her increasing wetness.

Ben marvels at just how obvious her desire for him is, how she keeps dripping no matter how much of her he greedily drinks in. He roughly sucks her clit between his lips before trailing his tongue along her once more, this time completely immersing it in her, curling inside of her as she lets out another loud moan.

"Talk to me," he demands quietly, his breath hot and moist against her center driving her crazy. "Tell me exactly what you want, remember?"

Letting out another whimper, Leslie attempts to string together coherent thoughts, the feel of her husband so close to her affecting her ability to think clearly.

"Ke-keep doing that," she strangles out. "Keep fucking me with your tongue, then I want you to add your fingers when I tell you to."

Ben continues his actions, running his tongue up and down the length of her before forcing it inside of her, lapping and nipping at her in the way he knows that she likes. He feels her run her fingers back though his hair, gripping tightly and moving him where she wants him to go, finally comfortable with taking more control. Her hips buck up against him with every pass of his nose and lips against her clit, her moans increasing and stringing together.

"Your fingers, add your fingers now," she gasps, feeling the familiar burning starting to build within her. He circles her clit with his tongue as he enters her with one finger, slowly pumping into her. He feels her lift her hips against him as he adds a second, his other hand resting against her lower belly, trying to keep her back pressed against the mattress.  
  
Ben is getting lost in her, her taste, her smell, her insistent cries of pleasure, and he wonders how the hell he was able to survive these last three months without this, without her. He can feel her tension building, the muscles in her thighs tightening around him as she pulls Ben's head against her in a steady rhythm with her insistent hands. She is literally fucking his face, and he loves it.

The sensations coursing through Leslie are so powerful, so raw, that she can only focus on Ben and the feel of him against her. Her hands move of their own accord, tugging and pulling at him as though he is her own personal sex toy. Any other time she might have felt guilty for thinking of him in that way, but right now, her only thoughts are on Ben's tongue and fingers driving her towards her release.

The burning within her is steadily increasing, her movements against him becoming more and more insistent, more sloppy and frantic.

"God, Ben, I'm so close. Faster, baby. Harder, please," she moans, her pleading yet demanding tone egging Ben on even more.

As his fingers pump furiously in and out of her, his tongue keeping the same tempo against her clit, Ben feels her tighten and stiffen around him before she explodes, her scream piercing the night air, her back arching several inches above the mattress. There is an explosion of lights behind Leslie's closed eyes as she comes, harder and longer than she has in months.  
  
Ben continues the steady movement of his fingers as she pulsates around them, prolonging her release as long as possible. He slows his actions as she begins to drift back down to earth, eventually pulling out of her and resting his cheek against her inner thigh, the short, coarse hairs on his face lightly scratching against her fair skin. His fingers trace soothing circles across her thighs and stomach, gently calming her as her breathing slows.

Placing one last kiss across her center, Ben guides his mouth back up the length of her body, leaving a trail of her wetness behind. He wipes the remaining slickness from his mouth before latching himself once again to his wife's lips, his tongue immediately tracing the inside of her mouth, running against her teeth.

Leslie can taste herself on him, driving her crazy with desire. She runs her hands up and down his bare back as she kisses him, scraping her nails against his skin before her hands settle in his soft head of hair.

He slowly pulls away to look down at her, his eyes so full of love and want that it makes Leslie's own eyes water.

"God, I love your face so much," Leslie whispers as she runs her hands over it, her thumb lightly tracing a path down his nose and over his cheeks before settling on his lips. Ben gently kisses her finger before he takes it into his mouth, lightly sucking on it.

Leslie finds the gesture so tender and yet so erotic, raising her hips to come into contact with his. He releases her thumb as he hisses, his erection now hard and throbbing to the point of almost being painful.

"Ugh, why are you still wearing clothes," Leslie whines as she runs her hand beneath the waistband of his shorts to rest solidly on the curve of his ass, squeezing and kneading one of her favorite parts of him.

"If they're bothering you so much, why don't you take them off," he responds smartly, his cocky smirk mixed with his disheveled hair causing Leslie's stomach to flip.

"Asshole, you know I can't reach far enough to do that from here. I'm short, remember?" she retorts, her sultry grin negating any sense of malice in her words.  
  
"You're not short, you're compact. The perfect size for the bride of a sexy Elf King," he answers teasingly leaning forward to gently nip at her lips.

Rolling her eyes, Leslie lets out a huff, a mixture of delight and frustration. "Ugh, whatever, just take those damn things off," she demands as her hands start to pull them down his waist as far as she can reach. After another quick press of their lips, Ben leans himself back and completely removes his shorts, tossing them across the room as his erection springs free.  
  
Leslie stares at him mesmerized, much like Ben had done when he first saw her fully exposed to him that evening. She reaches for him as he lowers himself over her once again, slowly pumping the length of him as his groans of pleasure are muffled by her mouth. She releases him in order to trace her hands up and down the front of his chest, her nails scraping across his slightly defined abs. Catching Ben off guard, Leslie flips them in a surprisingly nimble move so she is now hovering over him, her breasts dangling tantalizingly close to his mouth. Raising his head, Ben catches one between his lips, Leslie throwing her head back in ecstasy.

After several minutes of Ben paying equal attention to both breasts, Leslie pulls herself away, Ben releasing her nipple with an audible pop. Leslie begins her own journey of discovery, tracing her tongue and lips over the expanse of Ben's chest and ribs, following the trail of coarse hair that leads to his groin.

Before Ben has a chance to protest, Leslie takes him fully into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the head of his cock as she gently begins to suck.

"Oh, fuck, Les," he chokes out as he slams his head against the pillow and shuts his eyes, the feel of her hot, wet mouth against him already pushing him dangerously close to the edge. He runs his hands through her hair, not pulling her against him, but massaging her scalp as she bobs up and down around him, her tongue working its magic, and her teeth scraping just lightly enough to shoot sparks of pleasure through him.

"Jesus, honey, you need-you need to slow down. It's only been me and my right hand for the last couple of months, and I am not prepared to last through something like this just yet," he informs her, his breathing erratic and sweat starting to pour down his face from his efforts to control himself.  
  
Leslie slows her movements before finally releasing him, almost immediately missing the feel of him in her mouth. She moves forward along his body and straddles him, her hot, dripping center leaving a pool of her wetness just below his bellybutton.

She braces her hands on either side of his face and leans in for another searing kiss before whispering in his ear. "Now, it's my turn. Tell me what you want, Ben."

All coherent thought is halted at the feel of his wife's slickness against his skin, and her breath tickling his ear. "I-I want to be inside of you. I want to watch you as you ride me, your fucking perfect chest bouncing as you impale yourself on me. You are so fucking beautiful when you lose control on top of me, Leslie, my perfect, gorgeous goddess."  
  
A brilliant smile graces Leslie's lips, but her eyes soon turn dark and sultry as she sits herself upright and raises herself over him. She reaches for him and pumps him several times and then rubs him over her entrance, coating him with her juices before lowering herself onto him.

The moans that they release as he enters her, Leslie stretching to accommodate him after being without him for so long, do not do justice to the intense emotions that are coursing through them at that moment. There is a feeling of completeness that occurs whenever they are joined, a feeling never experienced with any other partner in their sexual pasts.

It's funny now when they each look back on their past relationships, Ben wondering what the hell he was thinking when he got so hung up on Cindy Eckhart, or when he spent an entire weekend drinking himself into a drunken stupor when his long term girlfriend dumped him after not being able to cope with his months on the road. Leslie feels the same way about so many of her exes, wondering what was so great about Mark that she pined over him for  _years_. What she felt with him was nothing compared to Ben.

To them, it was all worth it to get to this point, to find the one person who makes you feel so complete, so whole, that you no longer can imagine yourself without them. Ben would build a million failed Ice Towns, and Leslie would gladly add to her list of embarrassing break ups if it meant that they were guaranteed to end up together, to have the life that they do now.  
  
As Leslie adjusts to the feel of Ben inside of her, Ben fists the sheets beneath him in a vise-like grip, exerting every ounce of self control to not just thrust himself inside of her, understanding that it's been quite a while for her. Leslie's breathing starts to even out slightly, and she braces herself against the tops of Ben's thighs, slowly starting to move herself over him.

Looking down to where they are joined, Ben is captivated by the sight of their union, his cock pumping in and out of her, getting coated more and more by her wetness with each move of her hips.

Leslie is getting lost on the sensation of Ben inside of her, the hollow feeling that had been building up within her, now being filled. She throws her head back and arches her chest towards him, knowing that he loves watching her from this angle.

Just as she had hoped, Ben is unable to control himself, and he reaches for her, one hand steadying her hip as the other gropes one of her breasts, rolling her nipple between his fingers until she is crying out, begging for him to stop because the sensations are just too strong. His hand soon drops from her breast and rests on her other hip, gently moving along with her as she rides him. Leslie's thrusts are becoming more erratic, and Ben can tell that she is starting to tire herself out. He holds onto her hips tighter, now supporting her almost completely, lifting her and dropping her down over his cock repeatedly.

"I got you, baby," he tells her through gritted teeth, Ben talking full control of her hips allowing Leslie to no longer support herself on his legs. "I want you to touch yourself, Leslie. Touch yourself for me, okay?"

Leslie nods quickly, her eyes closed and her mouth slightly open as her hips continue to rock against his. One hand trails down her body to where they are joined, her fingers rubbing furiously around her swollen clit, her knuckles occasionally brushing Ben as he moves within her. Her other hand grips the hair at her scalp before slowly trailing down her neck and chest, settling on her breast. She squeezes her flesh and flicks her nipple much like Ben had done earlier, trying to keep it in time with her movements below.

While he has been very good with trying to restrain himself, every last ounce of self control is lost as Leslie gropes herself, her loud moans of pleasure turning him on in ways he never thought possible. He begins to thrust himself into her, coordinating it with the downward movement of her hips. Leslie gasps and falls forward at the strong sensation, bracing herself with her hands on Ben's chest.

"You okay?" he asks worried, hoping his lack of self control didn't cause him to hurt her.

She nods her head vigorously, not wanting to disrupt their rhythm. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. That just feels so damn amazing. Don't stop, Ben. Please, for God's sake, don't stop."

Ben continues to thrust into her, Leslie bracing herself against his chest which allows her to control her own movements once more. The sounds of their lovemaking fill the room in a sensual concerto, the slapping of their bodies, the noises caused by the friction of his cock against her soaked entrance, the loud moans of pleasure that never seem to cease.  
  
This slight change in position now allows the base of Ben's cock to brush against Leslie's clit with each long thrust into her, rolling his hips purposely to increase the friction between them. Leslie's cries grow louder as she feels herself getting close once more, Ben sensing it as well when her hips buck against him sloppily and with an increased speed.  
  
He pulls her completely forward so that her body is flush against his as he captures her lips with his own in a series of wet, erotic kisses. His hands move down her back and settle in the curve of her ass, pulling her to him as he almost savagely increases his thrusts, pumping in and out of her at a dizzying speed. Her cries become louder and more insistent, reaching over him to grab the headboard for support as he slams himself into her.

Her cries turn into short, loud shrieks as he pounds himself inside of her, eventually cresting into one long scream as Leslie comes once again, her contractions sending surges of pleasure down Ben's cock as she milks him. In order to prevent himself from coming with her just yet, Ben bites his lip so hard that he draws blood, closing his eyes and quickly listing as many secondary Star Wars characters as he can, anything to quell the burning sensation building within his own body.

Leslie eventually stops pulsating around him, Ben's thrusts becoming more gentle and less persistent as she attempts to regain her composure, her heaving chest now covered in a thin layer of sweat. She lowers her lips back down to his, and they lazily exchange several open mouthed kisses. Running his hands down her back softly, Ben holds her tightly against him as he flips them, covering her completely with his body as he once again slips back inside of her, Leslie's legs spread open wide beneath him.

He starts off slowly, timing his thrusts with the gentle kisses he is placing over her face and neck. As he picks up speed, the sensations of her enveloping him overtake him, and he buries his face into her neck, her skin muffling his moans. Leslie runs her fingers through his hair, holding his head against her neck as he begins to nip and suck on her pale flesh.

"Come on, baby," Leslie whispers into Ben's ear, filled with so much love that it makes Ben's heart swell. She can sense that he's close but trying so hard to hold back, to make this last. "It's okay, I want you to come for me. I want to feel you come so deep inside of me, Ben. Let go, honey."  
  
Her words spur him on, and he lifts himself up on hands that are braced on either side of his wife's head. He starts to thrust into her, hard and fast, Leslie trailing her hands down his back until she reaches his ass, pulling him even closer to her, urging him to increase his speed and finish inside of her. He quickly feels himself becoming undone, his thrusting now devoid of any pattern or rhythm.

In one swift move, Leslie clenches herself around him as he thrusts deeply, the intense friction throwing Ben over the edge. His groin is on fire, and he resorts to quick, deep movements as he empties himself inside of Leslie, falling forward to once again bury his face in her neck, his loud moans vibrating against her skin. Leslie quickly grabs him and attacks him with her lips, reveling in the feeling of him pouring himself into her and swallowing his intense moans of pleasure. Once he finishes, he collapses completely on Leslie, having come so hard that he literally looses all sense of his surroundings.

Despite their size difference, Leslie relishes in the feeling of Ben on top of her, the weight of him crushing her like a security blanket. She wraps her arms around him and pulls him as close to her as she can, whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he recovers. The reality of everything around her suddenly strikes Leslie, and she feels, hot, wet tears well up within her eyes and trail down her face.

Ben slowly becomes aware of his surroundings, and he realizes that he is crushing Leslie beneath him, but as he attempts to move himself off of her, she tightens her grip around him, refusing to let him go. He can hear her faint cries and feel her tears against his skin, fear suddenly striking within him. Carefully lifting his head from hers, he looks to her, broken at the sight of his wife's tears.

"Leslie? Oh my God, are you okay? Fuck, did I hurt you? Shit, I'm so sorry," he apologizes profusely and run his hands over her face, wiping away the tears that keep coming.

"No, no you didn't do anything," she replies as quickly as she can, her shaking nodding vigorously to assure him that he is not the cause of her tears. "I'm sorry, I'm just a mess. This, everything, was just so much, so wonderful and amazing. I'm sorry, I guess I just got overwhelmed. You are so perfect."

"Hey, it's okay, you don't have to apologize. This was beyond words for me, too," he lowers his face so that their noses are touching, barely brushing his lips over hers. "You're the perfect one, so beautiful and strong, but you married me, so I guess that means something." He feels her smile against his lips and his heart feels lighter.

"That really was amazing. I'm so sorry I made you wait so long. Thank you for being so patient with me."

Ben gently frames Leslies face and stares directly into her eyes. "Leslie, I don't ever want you to apologize for that ever again. I will always wait for you, no matter how long. Did I miss the sex? Yes. Did I miss you? God, yes, but I don't regret a single thing. All I care about is that I have my wife here with me, trusting me, loving me, and supporting me, just like I will always do for you."

Leslie nods her head in understanding and gratitude, reaching for his neck and pulling his lips to hers. Ben slowly rolls off of her, both of them letting out an unhappy groan as Ben slips out of her. He pulls her against him as they continue to exchange lazy kisses that get sloppier and sloppier as exhaustion overtakes them both.

"Did you want to go and get cleaned up?" Ben asks, his voice hushed by her lips.

"I don't want to move. I just want to stay here with you forever," she replies, pulling away from him and burying her face into his chest. Ben's fingers trace a lazy path over her arm as they face each other side by side, barely any space between them.

"I doubt that's a possible scenario, but I am willing to try," he whispers into her hair, a yawn escaping his mouth. "Let's at least try to get some sleep. Ellie's going to be waking up again in a few hours."

Leslie doesn't respond, but he can feel her nod of agreement before she settles herself further into his arms, her breathing eventually evening out just as he follows her into unconsciousness. As he predicted, Ellie's cries awaken them two hours later, Leslie immediately getting up, telling Ben that she will take care of it. The pale moonlight barely illuminates the room, but he can see the naked form of his wife cross the room to find her robe before she makes her way to the baby's room.

Several minutes later, just has he is about to fall back asleep, Ben hears Leslie reenter the room, but she is not alone. In her arms he can see the faint outline of their daughter, her small fist buried inside of her mouth as she sleeps. Leslie makes her way over to the bed, the mattress sagging slightly under her weight.

"I know we said that we didn't want to do this much, but for some reason, I just really want her with us tonight. Is that okay?" Leslie voice is soft and pleading, Ben would have been unable to refuse even if he disagreed, but thankfully he wanted their daughter with them just as badly as she did.

"That's more than okay. Give her to me. I'll take her while you get back into bed."

Leslie lets out an audible sigh of relief, fearful that Ben would refuse her request. She carefully places the baby down next to Ben before she takes off her robe and climbs back in with them. Both Leslie and Ben are turned on their sides, as close as they can be to each other without disturbing their sleeping child between them.

"I didn't think tonight could get more perfect, but I'm sure it just did," Ben whispers, his eyes never leaving his daughter's face. "Thank you, Leslie, for everything. For tonight, for Ellie, for marrying me, hell, for making me stay in Pawnee. I wouldn't trade any of this for the world."

He finally looks over to her, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Neither would I. I love you, Ben, so much."

He reaches towards her and caresses her cheek with his thumb. "I love you, too."

Ben falls asleep to the sound of his wife and daughter's breathing, their gentle snores lulling him. His last conscious thought is that despite everything that they had gone through these last few months, he thanks whatever powers that be for the family he has been given, the most important things in his life right here in this bed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

Epilogue: One Year Later  
  
  
Ben Wyatt smiles as he hears the laughs of his 15 month old daughter, babbling happily as her father gently pushes her in the toddler swing. Today marks the one year anniversary of the opening of Pawnee Commons, and the park is filled with Pawneans who have come out to enjoy the day's festivities. Although Ben is one of the park's most frequent patrons, he is always in awe of this place, filled with wonder at what his wife has been able to accomplish. Only a few years ago, this was an empty pit, an eyesore to the community, but because of Leslie's fierce determination, a beautiful park now stands in its place.  
  
At the thought of his wife, Ben looks over towards the makeshift stage in the center of the park, his Leslie pacing nervously behind it with ear buds most likely blasting Sarah McLachlan. Glancing down at his watch, Ben notices that it is almost time for Leslie to address the crowd, and he gently slows down Ellie's swing. He lifts her high above his head, wildly placing kisses across his daughter's belly as she squeals in delight.  
  
"Let's go find mama, okay Ellie-Belly?" he asks as he holds her against his hip and begins to make his way towards the stage.  
  
"Mama!" Ellie shrieks in delight, clapping her hands excitedly as the fall wind gently musses her blond curls.  
  
Ben laughs at his daughter's obvious enthusiasm, her vocabulary and understanding of words growing day by day. To Ben, it feels like just yesterday he was holding his newborn daughter in his arms, and now she is laughing, talking, and walking. It wasn't until he became a father that he was truly able to appreciate the old saying "kids grow up so fast."  
  
Because of the circumstances surrounding Ellie's birth, her doctors were worried that she might suffer from developmental issues stemming from the possibility that her brain was deprived of oxygen for too long while in the womb. Luckily, in true Knope woman fashion, Ellie proved everyone wrong, developing at an even faster rate than many children her own age. Ben and Leslie treasured each milestone that Ellie hit, their home filled with literally dozens of photo albums filled to the brim with pictures and handwritten notes capturing almost every moment of her young life.  
  
Walking up behind Leslie, Ben gently taps her on the shoulder, not wanting to startle her as she psyches herself up for her speech. Leslie rips the buds out of her ears and turns around quickly, her face and body visibly relaxing at the sight of Ben and Ellie.  
  
"We just wanted to come over and wish you luck before your speech today, didn't we Ellie?" Ben says with a smile.  
  
"Mama!" Ellie replies, moving her body as she tries to wriggle out of Ben's grasp, her arms outstretched towards her mother.  
  
"That was so sweet of you. Thank you," Leslie replies genuinely as she takes her daughter into her arms and kisses her cheek, Ellie quickly burying her face into her mother's neck.  
  
"So how are you doing, really?" Ben asks concerned, his hand running up and down Leslie's arm soothingly.  
  
"I'm not gonna lie, I'm really, really nervous. I don't know why, I mean I have made these speeches a million times before," she tells him truthfully, her eyes bright but mixed with worry.  
  
"Well, in your defense, this speech will be a bit different from all of your other ones, but I have complete and total faith in you. Are you sure this is something that you still want to do?"  
  
Leslie briefly pauses, her lips resting on her daughter's forehead as her mind quickly goes over the pros and cons of her choice. "Yes, definitely," she says decisively after a moment, "I am ready to do this."  
  
Ben flashes her a huge, proud smile. "Well, then we are behind you 110%. You're going to do so great."  
  
Leslie smiles at his encouragement, but her face quickly turns pensive as she continues to think. "What if they start asking questions about, well, you know," she says quietly, her eyes lowered to the ground in worry.  
  
Ben inhales deeply, knowing exactly what Leslie was referring to. A few months after Leslie confessed to Ben the impact that her delivery had on her, she, along with everyone's support, decided to seek professional help in dealing with her growing anxiety and guilt issues. Therapy had worked wonders, and Leslie found support in several new friends who were dealing with issues similar to her own. This being the type of personal issue that it was, it came to the Wyatt-Knope family as quite a shock when the  _Pawnee Sun_  broke the story a few weeks ago that Leslie was seeking treatment.  
  
Leslie was beside herself when the story ran, the article calling everything she had done since Ellie's birth into question. Headlines like "Is Councilwoman Knope fit for Office?" and "Mentally Disturbed Knope Continues to Make Decisions with Your Tax Dollars", although not their most creative lines, still impacted Leslie and her political aspirations. It physically sickens Ben that the press would use something like this against his wife, but they have learned from past experience the nature of the beast.  
  
"If they do, then you should just continue to be as honest as possible," he eventually tells her, his hand reaching up to cup her face as his thumb runs lightly over her cheek. "We both know that this is nothing to be embarrassed about, and there is absolutely no evidence that your therapy as affected your ability to do your work in any way. If anything, it speaks volumes about you as a person, willing to seek the help that you needed to overcome all that you had to deal with. Besides, this isn't the first time that we have had to deal with a little negative press, right?" he finishes with a smile, his eyes boring into hers filled with mirth and admiration.  
  
The corners of her mouth raise slightly at his words, basking in his love and encouragement. "You're right. I can do this; I have done this. I just need to exude confidence and not let anything that they throw at me phase me," she asserts with a strong voice, mentally psyching herself up again. She looks towards the crowd beginning to form around the stage as announcements are being made, signaling that Leslie will be introduced any minute now.  
  
Letting out a deep, calming breath, Leslie places another kiss on her daughter's cheek before handing her back to Ben, Ellie now too tired to care whose arms she's in. Leslie begins to nervously play with the note cards in her hand, shifting her weight back and forth on her feet as she awaits her introduction.  
  
"Hey," Ben says quietly, getting her attention, "you are going to do just fine. Look around you, Leslie. Everyone is here today because of what you helped accomplish. They know that, and they love you for it, no matter what the S _un_ has to say. This is just one tiny piece of the legacy that you are leaving in Pawnee, and we are all so very proud of you."  
  
Leslie smiles graciously up at him, leaning forward to press a chaste, but meaningful kiss to her husband's lips. "Thank you so much for standing by my side all of these years and supporting me. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for you."  
  
At his disbelieving face she immediately retorts. "I'm serious, Ben. I know you think that you helped me accomplish what I would have done on my own no matter what, but you're wrong. Everything that I have done, the Harvest Festival, Li'l Sebastian's Memorial, my campaign, all of it was because of you. If you hadn't believed in me and let me risk my department for the Harvest Festival, I never would have gotten the recognition that I did to get elected. This park? It's here because you thought of and helped me organize the gala to raise this money." She looks to him with a reassuring smile on her face. "And we can do this all again, right?"  
  
"You bet we can," he replies, his eyes growing somewhat misty at her heartfelt gratitude. Looking towards the crowd, he sees the rest of their friends eagerly waiting in the very front row. "They are about to introduce you, so I'm going to go stand with everyone else. You'll do so, so great," he tells her, leaning in to give Leslie another kiss. "I love you and I like you," he whispers mere inches from her lips.  
  
"I love you and I like you," she immediately replies, a loving smile overtaking her face.  
  
With a quick, encouraging squeeze of Leslie's hand, Ben weaves his way through the crowd to find the rest of their friends, finding a place between Ann and Andy. Ann smiles up at him as he moves in alongside her, her son playing with the grass at her feet.  
  
"How is she doing?" she asks Ben, having watched their brief exchange only moments ago.  
  
"She's nervous, as to be expected, but I think she's going to be fine. She always is," he says with a small laugh, his eyes filled with pride.  
  
"Good," Ann replies, once again moving her gaze to look at her best friend just slightly off stage. "She deserves this more than anyone, and I know she's ready."  
  
"Yeah, me too," he agrees, moving to rest his cheek against his now sleeping daughter's head.  
  
They both shift their attention back to the announcer who has just finished telling the crowd the upcoming schedule of events taking place in honor of the one year anniversary. "And without further ado, I would like to introduce the person who helped make this wonderful park possible, Councilwoman Leslie Knope!"  
  
The crowd claps as Leslie makes her way onto the stage towards the podium. Looking out into the crowd, Leslie sees so many familiar, encouraging faces, that the last bit of self doubt and fear is ripped away from her, confidence and gratitude taking its place. She finds the eyes of her close friends and family before starting, her heart swelling at the loving smiles on each and every one of their faces.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, I would like to first and foremost welcome you to the First Anniversary Celebration of Pawnee Commons." Leslie pauses as the crowd whoops and cheers.  
  
"As many of you know, this park holds a very special place in my heart. Six years ago, this spot was a big, empty pit, and I was simply a Parks Department employee with a crazy dream to turn that pit into a park. It seemed impossible, and there were road blocks at every turn, some good," she looks to Ben and thinks about the state auditors who froze the town's budget, "and some bad," her thoughts dwell on Councilman Jamm. "But despite all of these obstacles, with the help of you, the community, we were finally able to build Pawnee Commons. I don't think that I will ever be able to describe just how much I love Pawnee and our parks. To me, parks represent unity, equality, and family, enjoyment that everyone should be able to experience no matter what.  
  
"This park has been one of my greatest career achievements to date, but I know it will not be my last. I love this town, and I want to do everything that I can to make it a better place for our sons and daughters to grow up in. Because of your support, I was able to expand my reach by being elected to City Council, but I don't just want to stop there. I come to you not just as Councilwoman Knope and not as just one of many people who helped make this park possible. Today, I come to you as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend. I am a Pawnean, just like every single one of you, born here or not. We are all gathered here today because we love this city that we call home, and we want to make sure that it remains the best place in the world."  
  
Pausing slightly, Leslie lets out a deep breath and finds her husband's eye, his huge, proud smile all the encouragement that she needs to continue.  
  
"That is why I am here today to not just commemorate what has already been done, but to look ahead towards our future. I am here to inform you all that I, Leslie Knope, am officially running to become the next Mayor of Pawnee."  
  
At her statement, the crowd erupts into a thunderous applause, clapping and cheering their support as loudly as they possibly can. Leslie can't hide the smile that forms on her lips at their reaction, more confident than ever in her decision to run.  
  
"So let's take the time to reflect on all of the wonderful gifts that we have been given in our lives, not just today, but every day. Celebrate our loved ones, the beauty of nature, and Pawnee, the greatest city in America, possibly the world. I thank each and every one of you for your commitment to this park and to this town, and I hope that one day I will be able to do even more to make Pawnee a better place to live. Thank you."  
  
The crowd once again breaks out into a loud applause, the smiles on her friends' faces so large, you would think that they were the ones running for office. However, their smiles are short-lived as the journalists from various news outlets begin shouting questions towards the stage. Of course, Kim Terlando is the first to make herself heard above the rest, her question as biting and invasive as one would expect.  
  
"Councilwoman Knope, as I am sure many of your constituents are aware, my newspaper recently broke the story that you sought professional help as a result of your inability to cope with the trauma surrounding the birth of your daughter. How can you expect the people of Pawnee to trust someone like you with the responsibilities of the entire town when you aren't even able to cope with your own personal life?"  
  
Leslie's heart starts to pound in her ears as she hears the question, briefly glancing towards her husband who physically stiffened at Kim's words, but he gives her an encouraging head nod and a loving smile.  
  
"Well, Ms. Terlando, I have been nothing but open and honest about my situation, and I feel that my decision to run for Mayor should not allow that to change. First and foremost, I find your insinuation offensive that simply because an individual seeks out help, it makes her weak or unstable. If you look back at my record over the last year, my personal trials have in no way affected the way in which my job was done. I continued to stand on the same principles that I based my campaign on, principles that the people of Pawnee have come to expect from me. I have never missed a council meeting, I have not had any outbursts of erratic behavior, and there have been no signs that I am "unfit" or "mentally disturbed" as your paper suggests.  
  
"Yes, what I experienced giving birth to my daughter was something that I would not wish upon anyone, but the fact remains that traumatic birthing experiences are so much more common than anyone realizes. Through my therapy and recovery, I have come into contact with so many other strong, wonderful women who just need a little help and support to overcome what happened to them.  
  
"This time last year, I thought what I was experiencing made me weak and a bad mother, but I have since come to learn so much about myself and others like me. We are not weak or unfit; we simply need time to recover. We needed to learn to trust those around us and rely on their love and support. I chose the course of action that I felt was best to cope with my personal issues, despite my initial fear and doubt.  
  
"It has been my mantra for the last several years that no one achieves anything alone. To me, this was just another one of those times. I would think that the people of Pawnee deserve someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to make themselves a better person so that she is better able to serve this community.  
  
"To anyone having doubts as to whether that makes me unfit to hold office, I ask you to think of a time when you or someone close to you went through a hard time in life and needed someone to talk to. Did seeking help make you a different person, an unfit person? I believe the answer is no. I did what I knew was best for me to overcome my fears and grow as a wife, mother, and leader, and I guarantee you that I will do whatever it takes to make sure that this city gets where it needs to go."  
  
The crowd goes wild at her response, the strength and conviction of her words even moving some to tears, but either way, Kim Terlando sulks back into the crowd with her tail between her legs, once again bested by Leslie Knope. After several more positive questions from the press about the park and her upcoming campaign plans, Leslie excuses the crowd and is soon met by her friends.  
  
"Leslie that was so wonderful," Ann gushes as she pulls her friend into a tight hug.  
  
"Dude, for real, that was awesome. You totally showed that reporter who's boss," Andy tells her, holding his hand up for a high five.  
  
"Yeah," April says, agreeing with her husband, "my favorite part was when she looked like she was about to cry when you told her off."  
  
"No one messes with our girl, Leslie," Tom chimes in. "Especially someone like that. Did you see those nasty ass shoes she was wearing?" Tom asks in disgust, earning him a laugh and a high five from Donna.  
  
Chris comes running up to her, his son trailing next to him, and envelops Leslie in a tight, patented Chris Traeger hug. "Leslie, that was literally the most moving and inspiring speech that I have ever heard, and that includes some of my own truly inspirational pep talks. Congratulations!"  
  
In true Ron Swanson fashion, he stands off to the side of the group, not saying anything or rushing to hug her, but as Leslie looks to him, he gives her a nod of his head and a look of pride, and to Leslie that means more than any words or hugs he could have given her.  
  
Ben comes up to her last, a proud smile gracing his lips as he slowly makes his way towards her, Ellie still sound asleep in his arms. Leslie returns the smile tenfold as she walks to meet him, pressing a firm kiss to his lips.  
  
"You are so wonderful, and I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of you," he whispers in her ear as he pulls her against him with his free arm.  
  
"Thank you," she says with a shy smile, "I meant every word. I just hope everyone believes me."  
  
"I do too. There is no one who will work harder as Mayor of this town than you will, and I think all that you have done has proven that to the people of Pawnee. You have worked so hard for them already; they would have to be stupid to not trust you to do even more," he tells her, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.  
  
"Well, I guess we'll see. The game has only just begun," she says with a small laugh, nervous and excited to find out what the future holds for her and her family.  
  
"Ha, that it has," Ben laughs in response. "Now, rumor has it that JJ's set up a food stand in honor of the one year anniversary and their dessert special is the 'Leslie Knope Waffle Sundae Surprise'. I was thinking about treating my favorite wife and mayoral candidate to one, if you think she'd like it," he says with a smirk wrapping his arm around Leslie's shoulders as they slowly make their way across the park.  
  
"God, I love you so much. Thank you for reminding me why I married you," she answers with a grin as she wraps her own arm around Ben's waist.  
  
"Hmm, and here I thought you married me for my charm and amazing ass. The things that I am constantly learning," he jokes slightly nudging her with his shoulder.  
  
"I'm always full of surprises," she laughs. "How about we get the dessert and then find somewhere to sit down."  
  
"Sounds good to me. Our daughter is growing like a weed, and I can't carry her around like I used to."  
  
"I told you to bring the stroller, that way you wouldn't have to worry about holding her the entire time."  
  
Ben shrugs slightly in response. "I don't know, I don't really want to use it unless I have to. I just really like holding her as much as possible," he says somewhat shyly.  
  
"I know you do," Leslie says softly as she lightly runs her finger over her daughter's cheek. "Besides, she has been getting a lot more eager to walk lately, so I am predicting that there will be fewer opportunities to carry her around with her protesting."  
  
"I know. She's growing up so fast," he says, staring down at Ellie with so much love that it almost makes Leslie's heart burst.  
  
She simply nods her head in agreement, soaking in everything around her: her park, her friends, her husband, and her daughter. Six years ago, Leslie would have never guessed that life would have turned out for her the way that it has, so many twists and turns eventually leading her to this very moment, and she honestly doesn't know what her future holds for her either.  
  
At this point, it doesn't matter so much where her journey takes her, whether it's the statehouse, the Whitehouse, or her own house here in Pawnee. As she feels the warmth of her husband's loving embrace and gazes at Ellie resting upon Ben's chest, Leslie knows that no matter where she goes, she will have her friends and family around her and supporting her, and that is all she could ever hope for.


End file.
